


A Fair Trade

by Sarshi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint Barton is William Brandt, Clint Barton is exhausted, I don't know what I'm doing aaaah, I don't know where to place the kink, Kink, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki (Marvel) on a redemption path, M/M, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, but here we are, but still a bastard, look it was supposed to be pwp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25312936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarshi/pseuds/Sarshi
Summary: When you have a god on your side, you play life on easy mode. Retrieving potentially catastrophic files from insanely protected servers is something that takes five minutes, no planning, no effort and no risks. But when the god requires one member of your team to spend the night with him in order to come over to your side... what do you do?
Relationships: Benji Dunn/Loki
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be PWP, but here we are. 
> 
> I was watching Mission: Impossible the other night, and I couldn't help but notice that William Brandt has the same actor, role and style as Clint Barton. Like others before me, I couldn't help but envision a world in which the IMF and the Avengers coexisted, and in which Clint was the link between them. He was only supposed to be around for a couple of hundred words, before the porn got going, but the story grew into what it is because Clint decided his exhaustion needed four thousand words to be properly expressed.

All in all, the Impossible Mission Force took it in stride that there were aliens and gods now. The mission had always been impossible, after all. Now the world was a bit more impossible, too. 

The only change to their work was an asterisk to missions: if you came across magic or aliens, you let SHIELD know, just in case. Sometimes, SHIELD called the Avengers, and the IMF retreated and let people with a different set of skills sort out the issues.

It also worked the other way around. If aliens and magic needed a few people who could handle the more mundane brand of impossible, the Avengers called SHIELD, and SHIELD called the IMF, which brought in its best experts.

The system worked great, unless you were Clint "Hawkeye" Barton, alias William Alexander Brandt, alias Aaron Cross, alias a bunch of other things. Then, you were a SHIELD agent who was also part of the IMF, who was a black op, who once took an assignment as an analyst, before joining the Avengers, before turning assassin as an undercover plot for both SHIELD and IMF, before...

As the world became more and more hectic, so did Clint's schedule. Most days, he could barely remember what he was supposed to be doing. He'd bought a tiny notebook to write everything down, in case he forgot to murder someone, or save someone, or mixed up who he was supposed to save and who he was supposed to murder. Sometimes, his superiors ordered him to contact himself and make a team of him, himself, and he. Sometimes, rookies conjectured things like Hawkeye and William Brandt having an affair, because they'd both been spotted spending the night in the same hotel room. Sometimes, they even thought he was sleeping with the enemy. And, well... they weren't wrong. Clint had fucked himself quite thoroughly. He was also, doubtlessly, his own worst enemy.

Sitting in a chair and staring at Ethan Hunt going on about their next mission, Clint decided it would be best to kill himself. Or rather, a few versions of himself, if not the real thing. He needed to lighten his workload before he crashed completely. He was so close to falling apart entirely, it wasn't even funny. He didn't even dare tell his SHIELD-assigned therapist about it, in case it got back to his superiors' superiors and people started getting fired for gross mishandling of human assets.

It all amounted to a bone-deep exhaustion and a feeling that he wasn't real. Sometimes, he felt like a shell, like a program running on an android body, barely remembering what it was like to live and feel like a person, rather than a mission-fulfilling machine. He wasn't just burned out, he was already ashes.

When Loki had invaded Earth and put Clint under mind control, that had been the best vacation he'd had in years, and he couldn't even tell anyone. So he'd let them all assume his blank gaze was caused by trauma.

He only needed to decide which of his versions should die. Perhaps John Jameson of the FBI. And Barney Bloomingdale, of Scotland Yard. He wasn't very attached to them. He did like the IMF, though. Ethan at work was quite spectacular. Also, the IMF was high profile enough and just _lucky_ enough that sooner or later they'd cross paths and his former colleagues would assume he was an enemy now and shoot him.

"So," Ethan was saying. "We've got an estimated five days before the sheikh manages to decode Stark's blueprints. We need to get moving before that. I'll hijack one of the commercial gliders from his rival brother-in-law, to throw him off our scent."

Clint wondered if he could excuse himself to go sleep in the kitchen. Sure, it could be a bit busy when Benji stumbled in at five in the morning in search of food, and when Luther came for a glass of water in the middle of the night, but Clint liked kitchens, and he liked setting up in them. He didn't know why, but they felt cozy and safe. Possibly because people usually didn't try to murder him in kitchens.

"I'll land on the rooftop, make my way past the guards, then go down the elevator shaft to the computer room in the basement."

Clint wondered what had happened between Ethan and Carter. Ethan had clearly assumed she'd be interested in sleeping with him, which was why he'd grabbed the fancy master bedroom for himself. But she'd opted to share a bedroom with Benji, who had been supposed to share with Clint. Which was fine by Clint, since that meant he got the kitchen to himself, and a lot of sympathy for the dark circles under his eyes.

Anyway, trying to figure out what was going on with the two of them was more exciting than listening to Ethan's newest borderline-suicidal plan.

"Luther, you'll be over here, hooked up to the main security line. Unfortunately, this room is usually electrified, and anyone touching the floor when security is enabled will be fried, so we'll have to find a way to disable the security room's security..."

Luckily, Clint was a bit more qualified than the team generally assumed, so he would be able to handle his own part, whatever it would be, without much worry. But he was _tired_. Even keeping his schedule from overlapping was turning into a full-time job and an impossible mission on its own. It was a tour de force of organization, of finishing missions early, of combining plans until he could do two things at once. Sometimes, he took a vacation from one agency, just so he could get his work done for another one. He had sick leave, and holiday leave, and free days, and unpaid time off, and somehow, despite getting about five hundred days of supposed vacation per year, he was still fully booked.

He was about to drift off into self-pity, when there was a knock on the door.

Ethan paused and reached for his gun. Clint already had his in his hand, though he couldn't remember picking it up. Yeah, he needed some actual sleep soon, or things would be likely to go downhill soon.

"Who is it?" Clint cried in Arabic.

There was no response, but the _locked_ door opened gently, showing a tall man in a fitting gray suit, with incongruously long black hair tied. Clint sighed a deep, deep sigh.

"Stop!" Ethan ordered. "Who are you? Why are you here?"

"I'm the one who's here for Clint," Loki replied with a smirk.

There was a long pause, as Clint felt a deep „ _no_ _”_ bubbling up from the depths of his soul. _No_. Whatever it was, _no_. He did not want to do it. He did not want to so much as _touch_ whatever problem Loki had brought. He didn't want to _look_ at it. He didn't want to _know_ it existed. He didn't want to be aware that there was any _possibility_ of any problem at all.

It was too much. This mission was already, on its own, _too much_. Loki wanting to see him was way too much. Whatever Loki was about to say was much, _much_ _too much_.

"...who's Clint?" Benji asked.

Oh, he didn't want to explain this, but he lowered his gun and sighed.

"I am."

All eyes in the room turned towards him, staring him down as if he had explaining to do. Which he assumed he did, but _no_.

"Brandt?" Ethan said. "What did I tell you about secrets?"

"We're secret agents, Ethan, keeping secrets is what we do," Clint replied. "And one of mine is that I'm an Avenger. Now you know. It's ok, guys, he's... well, he's not a friendly, but close enough."

It was close enough because guns wouldn't do anything to Loki except piss him off. But he wouldn't tell them that. It would only make them more trigger-happy.

Hesitantly, the team put away their weapons and waited tensely.

"This is a _secret_ mission," Clint told Loki. "I left you a memo, saying I can't meet you right now."

"I've read it," the god replied. "I disagreed."

"Christ," Clint swore under his breath. "Really, whatever it is you want, _wait_. I can't take care of it right now."

Loki laughed, and it was hard to tell if he was mocking or not.

"I don't want anything," he said. "I was going to warn you that the Russians are on your tail. They know about your stint as Vladimir Bakonski and they were right here, in Dubai, getting ready to rip your head off in a spectacular fashion."

"...Oh," Clint said. Great. _More_ complications.

"I've sent them on a wild goose chase. They're now embarking on an airplane to Uganda, where Vladimir will die in a spectacular explosion. Unless you want to keep him alive."

"...Oh," Clint repeated, but now with relief. That was one alias down. "No, he's fine dead. Thanks, I guess."

Loki looked back towards the still open door to the corridor, then shut it behind him and smiled.

"You're welcome. So, what are you up to here?"

Clint wasn't sure answering that question was allowed, never mind a good idea. Loki wasn't an agent of anything but chaos. But he didn't seem deterred by the silence he got in reply. Instead, the god took a few steps through the room, then spotted an empty chair and sat down in it, as relaxed as if he were spending an afternoon with his friends.

"Excuse me, who are you?" Benji asked. "You never answered that."

"He's Loki, the god," Clint replied.

"Loki?" Benji repeated, looking excited rather than worried. "Wow, the one with the alien invasion in New York? With the hole in the sky, and flying machines coming out, and all the Avengers teaming up to defeat him? That Loki?"

Well. At least he didn't have to explain that bit.

"Yes," Loki said.

"Wow!" Benji said again. "So aren't you supposed to be a supervillain or something?"

"He is," Clint replied.

"I'm on a redemption arc," Loki said.

And wasn't he just? After being captured by the Avengers and returned to his world, Loki had been given a choice between spending a couple of thousand years in prison and helping the world he'd harmed, and particularly those within it he'd particularly hurt. The latter included a number of New Yorkers whose homes and property had been destroyed, some people whose relatives had died, some individuals who'd been injured and needed magical healing, and Selvig, Clint and a few other agents whose mind Loki had taken over.

While Clint didn't feel as hurt by the whole affair as he might have been, he couldn't deny that having a god watch his back came in useful.

...He really needed to get rid of some of his aliases.

"A redemption arc?" Ethan repeated, dubiously.

"Overseen by my father, the king of Asgard himself," Loki replied flippantly. "So, you're on a secret mission?"

There was a glint of curiosity in the god's eyes and Clint knew that the battle was lost before it had even begun. Loki was not the sort of person who took a hint. He would very likely not leave until he found out what they were doing, even if he had to turn invisible and wait around until they went over the plan again.

"Yeah, someone stole Stark's blueprints for his latest Iron Man suit," Clint said. "We're getting them back."

"How fascinating."

He started explaining, the others joined in led by his example, and they slowly shared their entire plan - the glider, the scuba diving, the security, the guns, the lasers, the poison darts, the retinal scans, the electrified security room, and all the rest. And how they would solve them all, with a lot of ingenuity.

Loki listened, and nodded, and made all the right noises of interest and fascination, then said, "It sounds quite risky."

"We're the Impossible Mission Force," Benji bragged. "It's right there in the name. We do the impossible."

Loki looked over the blueprints again. "Getting struck by lightning is unpleasant I assume the more mundane version of stepping into this room will hurt quite as much."

"It's deadly for humans," Clint said. "But we've found a way to disable the electricity. And the bomb that blows up if the electricity is disabled. We're good."

"We're not just good," Ethan said, and it sounded like a challenge. "We're the best."

"Hmm." Loki looked at Ethan, and then said, not _quite_ skeptical, "and if you fail, it will be worse than if I'd taken over your petty world."

"Yes," Luther said.

"Humans. You're quite exceptional, fighting among yourselves the way you do."

"Said you," Clint replied before he could stop himself.

Loki turned to look at him, unimpressed.

"Even so. Would you like some help? I can get back those blueprints for you."

A pause. Clint didn't know what everyone else was thinking about, but he imagined a world in which he didn't have to break into a sheikh's security hell. Relief sparked in him, then the spark died. All he felt was a deep desire to go crash in the kitchen and not get up until the time slot dedicated to this mission ended.

"You can do that?" Luther asked, in a tone that held no nonsense.

Loki turned to him and looked him up and down, then he shrugged.

"Sure. Teleport in, get the drive. I might trigger all the alarms, but they can't stop me getting out. I'll be invisible, so they won't know what happened. It would take me... about five minutes if I destroy every piece of technology they have. Or I could leave those alone, and it would take one minute."

"Stealth is better," Luther said. "If you can be stealthy. It wouldn't let them know anything's changed for a while. We've got a set of fake coded files to replace them with."

"Sure. I can do stealth. Even if I trigger an alarm, it will look like it went off for no reason."

It would be... simple. Clean. Effortless. No risks to life and limb. It went against everything they'd been trained to do, but it would be a relief, especially to Clint. They'd catch a break.

Having a god on their side was playing life on easy mode.Which sounded too good to be true.

"Of course," Loki said thoughtfully, and turned to look at Ethan. "I wouldn't do it for free. I don't have any emotional investment in this, and while it would help my case... I don't _have_ to do anything."

There it was. The catch. Clint couldn't help but wonder what Loki could possibly want from them that he couldn't get himself.

"Well," Carter said. "Even if the effort is small for you, we can probably strike a deal that's fair for everyone. We appreciate a job well done."

Loki smiled, but there was something wicked about the smile. He sprawled in his chair, languorous like a tiger, measuring Carter up and down.

"I know what I want," he said, smoothly. "It's nothing very special. No life debt, or anything of the sort. I would like a bit of... company. Of the intimate sort."

Carter sighed audibly. Clint wondered if she got propositioned every week, or if she spent time under a rock to get away from it. From the way her eyes narrowed, he suspected that, even if she had a rock, it didn't provide adequate shelter.

B ut before she could reply,  Loki turned and looked straight at Ethan.

"How about it?" he asked. "You're quite handsome. Let's enjoy ourselves and I'll get your data in the morning."

 _Well._ Loki knew how to drop a bomb.

"...me?" Ethan said.

"Yes, you," came the amused response. "I've always wanted a hero in my bed."

There was no doubt that Loki expected opposition and wanted to get annoyance. Perhaps only Ethan, flustered as he was, missed the narrowed eyes, the devilish smirk, the god's dark humor. Clint doubted it was a real proposition. It was probably just a joke, a way to rile up a man who was too easily angered.

"I'm straight," Ethan said.

"It doesn't bother me."

"We'll go by our original plan," Ethan snapped. "We've done the impossible before, and we'll do it again. We're fine, _thanks_."

But the bomb had been dropped. Clint felt the weight of the mission, already unpleasant before Loki's arrival, land back on his shoulders at full force. If Ethan managed to insult Loki, they really would have to go through with the insane plan, and while they usually got away fine, there was always a chance that they might die, or be seriously injured.

It was one thing to know you would have to do the impossible, and quite another to know you would do it, despite there being an alternative. Loki had dangled the bait, had let them all picture a simple solution, damn him, and Clint had bitten.

He looked around and saw Carter's clenched jaw. He supposed she would have taken the deal, if it had been offered to her, as it was the easiest way out of their complex situation, but it was clear Ethan wasn't anywhere near as amenable. In fact, he might blow it for them.

"What? Risking your life, and the fate of the entire world, is better than sleeping with me?" Loki said. "I'm wounded. And fascinated. You can die, and the world would end up torn apart by an army of Iron Men, but you'd rather keep your _honor_."

"If you want to help us, help us," Ethan said through gritted teeth.

"I told you," Loki said, spreading his arms in a parody of helplessness. "I'm not invested in this. I might even get to repay _more_ of my debt if this entire operation fails and this world needs to be saved from itself. But... one night with you can sway me."

"No."

"Oh, come on, Ethan."

To Clint's surprise, it wasn't himself who said the words, even though he they were in complete accord with his own feelings. He wanted Ethan to say yes, and call the bluff. Then Loki would help them, and Clint would have time to sleep.

Instead, it was Benji who'd spoken, and all eyes turned to him.

"What?" Ethan said.

"It's just the one night," Benji replied, though his cheeks were starting to redden. "I mean... I like being a field agent, and doing impossible things, but... well, it's not about what we like, is it?"

Clint looked at Loki and saw him grinning in delight. So this was what he'd wanted. To divide them and get them at each other's throats. A joke not at Ethan's expense, but at all of their expenses.

" _No_ ," Ethan replied.

"So that's what the world is worth, to humans," Loki mused. "It's all good, until they need to make a personal sacrifice."

Ethan walked up to him, getting up close into Loki's personal space, close enough to grab him by the collar. Clint almost made a move to stop him, before deciding that getting between the two of them was the quickest way to get hurt.

"I risk my life out there on every single mission," Ethan told him. "Don't you dare tell me I don't _sacrifice_."

"Oh, you do," Loki replied. "But I grew up among warriors. I see the thrill in your eyes and recognize it for what it is. You gamble with your life because _fun_. It's _exciting_. It makes you feel like a hero. The risks make it all better, headier, until you-..."

Ethan grabbed him by his collar and pulled him up to his feet, but Loki just grinned, not at all concerned.

"Until you prove your worth," Loki ended smoothly, "and gain great honor."

He brushed Ethan's hands aside, and the agent didn't insist on taking hold of him again.

"It's always about the great deed being done," the god said, and started pacing around the room. "About achieving the _impossible_ , as you call it. On my world, many songs are sung of heroes doing mighty feats. We honor their strength, their courage, their greatness. And we say, _look at the good that they've done_. But I ask, in the absence of applause, if you are to sacrifice your pride, how willing are you to save the world?"

"We can save it just fine ourselves," Ethan said. "We've done it before. We didn't need your help half an hour ago, and we don't need it now."

"Hmm," Loki said, and his tone was almost teasing. "Your plan is good, but victory is by no means certain. The chances of death are high. The chances of failure, perhaps higher. How about the rest of your team? How do they feel about needing to risk their lives and their world because _you_ wouldn't let go of your pride? Instead of spending the night enjoying yourself, you prefer risking not just your life, but their lives, as well."

He smiled, then turned to look at the rest of the team.

"But let it not be said I'm _unfair_. Does any one of you want to take me up on this offer? Anyone? Except you, Carter. I've noticed women are expected to agree more often in such situations, which I find unfair. You are, therefore, _out_."

Clint felt tired. He wondered if he should take Loki up on the offer, and see what would happen. If the god would back down simply because Clint had been labeled harmed before. Or if this would end his future help, because Clint would now be _healed_. If the latter happened, what next? What if there would be no aid with Russians or other potential strike teams the next time? What if, before he could get his affairs in order, he died?

"What about you?" Loki said, turning to face Luther. "You willing? A fair trade? Your body for a night, against your safety and the world's safety tomorrow?"

Luther was quiet.

"Could you stop that?" Ethan snapped. "Nobody's sleeping with you."

"How about _you_?" Loki asked, turning towards Benji. "Will you, who encouraged Ethan to take me up on my offer, be willing to take it yourself?"

"...Shit," Benji breathed.

Clint sighed. While having sex with Loki wasn't high on his list of things to do, perhaps the god would let him _sleep_ once they were done, and that pretty much made the whole thing worth it.

"I..." Benji said, while the god waited patiently and mockingly. "Yeah, ok. Yeah, I'll sleep with you."

The silence was so complete you could hear a pin drop. Even Loki paused for a moment, as if he'd never expected to hear an agreement. And if Clint was right, perhaps he hadn't.

As for himself, Clint felt oddly relieved, as if a bullet had passed by his ear for the third time that day. No Russians. No mission. No sleeping with Loki. He was free. He could go crash and sleep for five days. He could reorganize his life until it no longer resembled that of a workaholic robot.

But now Loki seemed intrigued.

"You will sleep with me," he repeated, softly.

"Don't be stupid, Benji," Ethan snapped. "Are you even gay?"

Clint suddenly felt bad about his relief. As the question was launched, he realized that Benji was _not_ gay. The only agents in the room who had experience with men were probably himself and Carter, as far as his knowledge went.

"No..." Benji said. "But it's ok."

"It's not ok!"

"Ethan's quite handsome," Loki said softly, slowly walking up towards Benji, who was standing, unmoving, transfixed as if he were prey before a predator. "But you're _interesting_."

"Leave him alone," Ethan said, picking up his gun in a fit of fury.

Loki didn't even bother turning, keeping his gaze locked with Benji instead. Instead, he extended a hand back and made a magic shield between himself and Ethan.

"Don't point that toy at me. And don't be foolish enough to ignore your friend's choice."

"I said, leave him!"

"It's fine," Benji said, not taking his eyes off Loki. "It's fine, Ethan, really."

Loki smiled. He was standing in the other man's personal space now, barely an inch between them. Then, slowly, as if trying not to scare him with sudden movements, he reached up and cupped Benji's cheek.

He waited for a few heartbeats, as if a permission was asked beyond what had already been granted. As if Loki was giving him ample time to back down and reconsider. The joke had faded, the mockery was gone, and what was left felt to Clint as if he was intruding on a deeply intimate moment. He wanted to look away, but he found he was unable to.

Loki leaned down slowly, his lips stopping a fraction of an inch over Benji's, expecting. The other man parted his mouth, and it was all the invitation that was needed. The kiss was slow and soft, unhurried. There was no mistaking Benji's unconscious fraction of a step forward, nor Loki's quiet intensity in the way he pulled gently away, without his eyes leaving the other man's face.

"Hell," Ethan swore.

Neither Loki, nor Benji paid him any mind.

"I'll take us to my place," Loki said.

It felt like an offer, rather than a statement. Like he waited for a response, for a permission.

"Yeah, sure," Benji said. "How?"

"Teleportation," Loki replied.

"Oh. Ok."

It wasn't normally in Benji's nature to be so quiet, but now he couldn't seem to find words, or to look away from Loki. The god, too, seemed thoroughly distracted, but he found his footing faster.

"Well, then," he said, turning away from Benji to smile darkly at Ethan, "you'll have your files tomorrow. Take the night off."

And then he pulled Benji close and vanished.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan and his team have an argument about whether Benji's in trouble or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some time ago, I saw a question along the lines of, "What's the most self-indulgent thing you've ever written?" I didn't quite get it at the time.
> 
> But now I can easily say, this has got to be the most self-indulgent fic I've ever written. (And it wants to be 4 chapters long, not 3, as I'd initially planned *shrug*)

Ethan slammed his fist against the desk.

"Fuck!"

The shield Loki had put up vanished, much too late. There was nothing he could do.

He put down his gun, uncertain what to do with himself, knowing only that one of his men had been taken away by a probable enemy, and he had no way to get him back. There was nowhere to go. No signal to follow. No mission to mount.

"He shouldn't have agreed," he spat. "Why the fuck did he agree?"

"Ethan, man, you have to calm down," Luther said.

"Calm down?!" He kicked the desk. "How the fuck can I calm down, when Benji's out there somewhere playing prostitute?"

He felt more impotent than ever, and his mind unhelpfully provided mental imagery of what Loki would do to him. It wasn't that Benji was... innocent or pure in the strict sense of the words, although they were the first to cross Ethan's mind. But he was new to the field, and excited. He didn't always think ahead about dangers and consequences.

Ethan had seen agents die before on missions. He’d also seen them hurt, scared, falling apart. It never got easier.

"Classy, Ethan," Carter said. "Tell us what you _really_ think about me. Go ahead."

The shaking in her voice drew him back to the team staring at him, and to Carter, who was looking at him with a betrayal he couldn’t comprehend.

"What?"

"Don't _what_ me, Ethan. As if I haven't been seducing targets right in front of your nose for years now."

“What?” he repeated.

"There's always a risk that I'll have to sleep with them," she said, trembling, maybe with anger, maybe with another deep emotion. "There's always a risk that, one day, I won't be able to put someone to sleep and I'll have to go through with it so I don't blow my cover. Then you'll all get to hear my goddamned performance live through your earpieces. I live with that, and I was always worried about how you'd look at me if it happened. But now I don't have to worry anymore. Now I know."

It came out of left field, and it hit Ethan harder than it would have otherwise.

It was true that he’d never thought very hard about Carter having to go through with her seduction on a mission, because he tried not to dwell on failure. He didn’t dwell on the possibility that they would die or be seriously injured, either. If he did, they would never get anything done.

But things had always gone smoothly. Carter knew how to handle herself. And it was absurd for her to bring all of that up now, when Benji was in trouble.

"God dammit, Carter, this isn't about you," Ethan snapped. "I'd never look down on you for that."

"Oh, really? _Really_ , Ethan? What about Benji, then? Why does _he_ deserve your hatred?"

“I don’t _hate_ him, Carter!"

He was about to explain, when Brandt waved at them.

"Guys, if you don't mind, I'll go lie down a bit..."

"Wait here," Ethan snapped. "You can tell us where Loki lives."

"I don't know," he replied, shrugging, so impassive that Ethan wanted to punch him in the face to get more of a reaction. "And even if I did, what difference does it make?"

Did nobody care...? Or did they just not see?

Ethan had spent years trying to take care of his team, making sure they were all well, and now they all stood there, not at all concerned when Benji walked head-first into danger. He felt frustrated, and angry with them all.

"What difference... are you serious?" he asked. "That's a very dangerous criminal, and he has Benji. That's the fucker who invaded New York, for God's sake, am I the only one who remembers that? He came here, he insulted us, and now he's taken Benji, and he might torture him and humiliate him as a stand-in for human kind!"

As soon as he was done, he realized the other three were staring at him as if he had gone crazy.

"I don't think we witnessed the same conversation," Brandt said.

"Yeah, man. Benji saved all our asses," Carter added.

Ethan tried to parse that, but he came up blank, but now, even Brandt seemed dubious.

"Were _you_ witnessing the same conversation?" Brandt asked her.

She huffed and gritted her teeth, bitter. She was still upset at Ethan, and the venom in her voice was palpable.

"What, you didn't see it? Come on, guys. It's not that hard. Loki is a prince, right? He's said so himself. The son of the king of Asgard. He invaded Earth and all he got was a slap on the wrist. He's the sort of man who gets what he wants. He's gotten what he's wanted since the day he was born, and when he hasn't, he's gone and claimed it anyway. He's not used to being refused, and he has the power to make sure that people and circumstances bend to his will. The moment he decided that he wanted to spend the night with one of us, even on a whim, there was no clean way to get out of it. Don't you see? We're not real to him. We're like... like pets. Except instead of feeding us scraps at the table when we behave, he's feeding us a mission. He's indulging us. Which, yes, is degrading, but not consciously so. Look, if we do what he says, he solves things for us. If we don't, he'll find ways to prove his anger. He might have blown up on us this evening, or he would have interfered with our mission tomorrow, making us fail or even getting us captured. Benji saw that possibility. That's what he meant, when he said he likes being an agent, but this isn't about what we like. He knew we were between a rock and a hard place, and he made the sanest decision in the circumstances."

It was a perspective Ethan hadn't even considered. Because it didn't make sense at all.

He knew, of course, that there were people like that. But Loki was clearly not one of them. His malevolence was one of spite towards humanity, not of entitlement refused.

"That's not what happened at all," Brandt said, obviously having come to the same conclusion.

Ethan sighed.

"Of course it's not. Look, Loki almost conquered our world, but he got defeated by the Avengers. He's frustrated. He thinks he should have won, but now he's forced to behave. So what does he do? He throws Brandt a scrap, _hey, Brandt, I've gotten Russian agents off your back_. Then he wants to know our plans, right? He hears them. He waits while we explain, and don't get me started on why the fuck we even told him everything. Then he says, _oh, look, I can_ _get the job done_ _by snapping my fingers_ _, you useless worms_. He wants us to grovel. He wants to humiliate us. Except he thinks Carter wouldn't be properly humiliated, because she's prepared for it. So instead, he decides he wants to see _me_ at his feet, since I look like the leader. _Oh, hey, you do the impossible? Fuck that, you're my bitch_. Or if not me, then one of you. So, before we can tell him to go fuck himself, Benji agrees for _hell if I_ _know what reason_ and now he's off with a godling who'll rape him for the fun of it and pretend it's consensual."

He took a deep breath to try to calm himself down, then, when he couldn't, he rubbed at his eyes and tried not to panic.

"...Yeah, that's not what happened, either," Brandt said. "Was I the only one here seeing all that? Where are you people getting this shit from?"

"Shut it, Brandt," Carter said, then turned to Ethan more gently. "Look, of course he thinks we're all beneath him. We're humans, as you've said. But then, he's always been a prince. He's used to others being beneath him. He didn't want to humiliate us, Ethan. If he'd wanted that, there were better ways. Did you see that kiss, Ethan? It wasn't about humiliation, it was about having a good time - on his own terms, yes, but he won't hurt Benji.He was probably in good spirits after that. Amused, if you will. Benji will be fine, but just... don't go around saying words like _prostitute_ to his face, alright? He did it to save us from whatever consequences we might have to suffer from a spoiled prince, and..."

"Guys, what the hell? Are you in panic mode?" Brandt interrupted her. "I mean, sure, he did try to take over the world, but I don't think there was a looming threat right now. He was just trying to piss us off and turn us against each other for shits and giggles. That was the whole thing. He didn't want Carter, because there was a high chance she'd agree, and then his fun in yanking us this way and that would be ruined."

"Don't be daft, Brandt," Carter said. "He didn't want me because he's obviously gay. And anyway, Benji _did_ take him up on his offer. Did it look like Loki was backing down, his bluff called?"

"...No," Brandt agreed grudgingly. "Ok, maybe the sex is a bonus. But it wasn't a _nefarious plan_ to humiliate us, and I think he would have just left us alone had we really refused. Gone on his way."

Ethan exhaled a frustrated breath.

"Come on. He was _posturing_ _._ He wanted to intimidate us. Didn't you see him? He was lording it over this room like the sun shone out of his ass."

"Yeah, Brandt," Carter said. "Ethan's right on that one."

"So what if he did?" Brandt insisted. "That's him. Mocking and superior. It doesn't mean he's actively threatening us, or that he'll hurt Benji. Think about it. One word about gross misconduct whispered to Asgard, and he'll be on his ass in prison for a literal thousand years. I've seen the sentence and it's _literally_ a thousand years. A full millennium. Whatever you guys have in mind, the punishment isn't worth it."

"But with the king being his dad..." Carter objected.

"Have you ever read mythology? Gods don't fuck around. You never know when they decide on cruel and unusual punishment. That Loki's here, making amends, is due more to Captain America, Thor and Nick Fury than it ever was to Odin."

"That doesn't mean he wouldn't have murdered us stealthily tomorrow," Carter said.

"And Benji thinks he wants whatever it is he's gotten into," Ethan said. "So he won't be whispering anything to Asgard. Loki knows he's covered."

"If you ask me," Luther said. Which they hadn't, because they'd forgotten he was there. "I'm with Brandt. I saw a man who made an indecent proposal as a joke. And then Ethan responded very vehemently and he took it as a challenge. Now, I don't know Loki, but I trust Brandt's judgment on this one. And with that kiss, he didn't look to me like the sort of man who'd hurt Benji, or who'd use him as a plaything."

"I don't know," Ethan said. "Loki looked like he was about to rip him to pieces and Benji seemed... transfixed."

"No, Benji was challenging him, and Loki realized he'd have his fun for the night," Carter said.

"Guys, that was almost porn," Brandt said. "I don't know what happened, but it was intense on both sides. I felt like a voyeur."

Luther looked between all of them.

"However it may be," he said finally, "Benji made his choice. And we need to respect that."

"Hey, you know what? I would have taken up the offer just to get some rest," Brandt said suddenly. "Mind if I go to sleep now?"

They were happy to let him go, and he disappeared into the kitchen. Ethan excused himself, too. He was nowhere near fine with what had gone on, but he knew there was no point in arguing. They were three against one, and even had they all agreed that Benji was in trouble, there was nothing they could do.

He went to bed, for once glad Carter wouldn't join him, because he couldn't sleep at all. He'd never imagined Benji's sex life, but now he did, in ample detail, and he wished more than anything that he'd accepted Loki's offer himself. He was resilient, and cynical, and used to hardship. He was even expendable, if the need for it arose.

But he hadn't realized the price of his refusal on time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Benji and Loki.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the monster chapter about Benji and Loki, written, edited and re-edited until I'm sure I fucked up something in the edits.
> 
> I'd like to thank all of you who left kudos. I wasn't actually expecting any XD This is a pretty rare crossover, and the rare pair is so rare I'm the only one writing it here (I think). And, more than that, I feel somewhat awkward about writing all of this, because chapter 3 is very much porn, and somewhat kinky porn at that, with loads of feels that aren't really All That Positive, so it's definitely one of the fics I'm most dubious about having written.
> 
> I also keep imagining Simon Pegg deciding one day to check whether anyone writes porn of his characters and coming across this. I know it's Highly Unlikely, but the embarrassment follows me around like Mona Lisa's eyes. 
> 
> What am I even doing. What is this mess.

They teleported into Loki's apartment, and Benj nearly stumbled from the shock of finding himself in different surroundings. They were in a large room, probably a living room with an open kitchen, perhaps stylish, but it was hard to tell in the dark. The only lights came from the street and a neon sign proclaiming a night club was open nearby.

"Oh, wow," he said. "So _that_ actually happened. Where are we?"

"London."

"Magic is so handy."

Loki drew him closer for a kiss. The memory of their previousone was still on Benji's lips, and he felt a shiver of arousal. It was oddly intense, but with it, he felt a tension and a nervousness he didn't know what to do with. So he pulled back a second.

"Really, London?" he asked, wondering which part of it and if maybe he could find this apartment again.

"Really," Loki said, and went for his neck, trailing kisses up to his ear in a determined fashion.

Benji's breath hitched and he held on to the other man's arms, but now his mouth was free, and he found himself speaking, words pouring out of him without any filter from his brain.

"So are we here instantaneously, or did we travel below the speed of light?"

Loki pulled back and, even in the darkness, he was clearly _not pleased_.

"Oh, shit," Benji said. "Sorry. I'm nervous. I babble when I'm nervous. It goes away, I swear. Sometimes. Most of the time. Hopefully now. I'll be quiet, just give me ten minutes. To calm down. Calming down is something I need time to do. In order to be calm. Yeah, ok, I realize I've repeated myself. Err. You know, this happens to me on missions, sometimes. It's quite annoying when it does. For everyone. For me, too."

He realized Loki was staring, and his displeasure was melting away, which was the first time his babbling explanations had that effect.

"Ah," the god said. "I think I have a solution. Would you like a drink?"

"Yes, please!" Benji said, latching on to the idea as if it were a lifeline. "I would love a drink."

"If you don't mind, I won't turn on the lights. My curtains are thin and my neighbors are nosy."

"Darkness is great," Benji said. "Absolutely, yes. We're not a book club, we don't need light."

"The couch is over there."

It was an invitation more than an explanation, but Benji was happy to go sit in the darkness, where Loki couldn't see him fidget. He wanted to be quiet, but the more he fought the tide of words, the more he felt it was impossible not to say them out loud, until he gave up on the battle entirely.

"It's not very often that people feel attracted to Ethan, then decide they're ok with me," he said. "The other way around, sure, but this way? Nah."

Loki made a non-committal noise.

"It's just that he's very, well, attractive," Benji went on. "Cover of a magazine sort of guy. Great chin. Manly looks. Charm for days, certainty, and muscles, all that athleticism. A handsome specimen, a friend called him. And he's heroic. Not that I'm trying to persuade you to reconsider, mind you, I'm just in awe. I mean, there he is, nearly a superhero. Who knows, maybe he really does have superpowers, but none of us figured it out yet, not even him. And I'm just some guy, you know? There's nothing all that special about me. I mean, definitely no superpowers."

"You _do_ babble when you're nervous," Loki said, his back turned as he did whatever he was doing around the stove. Benji wondered what sort of cocktails needed heating up.

"I can shut up, if you want. No, wait, I can't. But I can change the topic."

"No, it's fine," Loki replied. "What you should wonder, if you're wondering about all these things, is Twhy I asked anyone at all."

"Oh?" Benji said, then realized it was quite an odd request to make, not just to receive. "Then why did you?"

Loki turned and walked closer, holding no drinks. It was oddly disappointing.

"Hunt reminds me of home," Loki said. "In an unpleasant way. Asgard has many heroes, my brother chief among them, and they're always competing each other to do the most daring deed of idiocy. I will admit, I've always wanted to have a great warrior on his knees, and see him crawl before me. It would have been quite... delightful to have Ethan Hunt at my beck and call for a night."

"...I don't get it," Benji said after a minute. "You have the hots for warriors because they're brave and stupid?"

Loki sighed and turned to look at the stove again.

"No. They've always rejected me for my... nature. Sex with me would be the highest humiliation. To crawl before me would be unthinkable. And a great pleasure to me."

He took out two mugs, poured two drinks and returned to the couch with them, giving Benji one. He smelled it.

"Is this... coffee?"

"Yes."

"I can't drink coffee this late, it will keep me up all night."

Loki's eyes sparkled, amused, in the darkness.

"That's rather the point," he said suggestively.

Benji felt a shiver of delight and nervousness. He laughed, but he was sure it came out forced.

"Yeah, alright. So, you were saying Asgardian warriors hate you because you're gay."

Loki sipped from his coffee, his amusement slowly receding.

"You humans have odd preconceptions. No, that was never an issue. It's the fact that I'm a dishonorable, magic-using, lying trickster that they can't abide. To lie with me would be to debase themselves. If I weren't a _prince_ , I would be the lowest of the low. Untouchable. Whereas warriors like my brother are the highest of the high."

"Oh."

There was nothing Benji could think of in response. He found the idea of a magic-using trickster appealing, but there wasn't much he could do with _dishonorable_ on such short notice. And he wasn't even sure if comfort was expected, or if it would be badly taken.

He supposed he _could_ say that Ethan was considered dishonorable every second Sunday, but before he could decide whether it was a good idea to voice that out loud, Loki went on.

"So you see, I would sometimes dream of having men such as your Ethan Hunt debasing themselves at my command. I would want them giving me pleasure, and being forced to take theirs at my hand. I know that he would never have taken the offer. Warriors don't. It's not in their nature to sacrifice themselves for anything but their pride."

"That's not Ethan, though," Benji said. "Your Asgardian warriors sound like dicks, but he's... well, he's probably really enjoying the heroic bits, because you have to, in our line of work. But he's never been overly proud. He's accepting. And kind."

"I don't see how you're contradicting me. Warriors can be kind, as long as it aids their status."

"Right. Well. We're _secret_ agents, yeah? Our missions are secret, and we'll never get recognition. So he'll never gain status based on them." Benji didn't know how to explain Ethan properly, but his desire to defend him made him, if not witty, then talkative. "And he does his damned best to keep us safe and bring us home. He refused you, but that's because we had a great plan in place, and it would have worked. And sleeping with someone for benefits is pretty much prostitution, which is frowned upon, and that makes me kind of shit, I suppose, but whatever, because, look, if it were really necessary to the job that one of us fucks someone or we'd die... well. To be honest, I wouldn't trust anyone else with my life as much as I would Ethan."

"How nice it must be for him, to have such a dedicated supporter," Loki said, with an edge of sarcasm. "Then why did you accept, if accepting makes you _shit_?"

Benji paused like a deer in headlights, and hoped the darkness hid him.

"Because the mission can always fail," he said, eventually.

"Ah. A _realist_."

Benji fell silent. He sipped some of his coffee, barely tasting it over the dryness in his mouth as he wondered if he'd just offended Loki. But the god turned towards him, his eyes darkening with something that wasn't quite anger.

"I offered a trade, and it is fair," he said, putting his hand on Benji's thigh.

It was hard to understand the feeling behind that. Resignation? Ruthlessness? Either was something that Benji could live with. It was what he'd expected in the first place. He hadn't fucked up, so that was the perfect time to leave well enough alone. One night, and move on.

"I also wanted to, because you're attractive," he blurted out instead. "I mean, I'm sure I'll get shit for it in the morning from the rest of the team, but I do want to be here. I would have taken my chances with the mission otherwise. We've always survived, anyway."

For a second, he saw Loki's surprise, before the god snorted, and Benji remembered that, oh yeah, there was no lack of dead agents, but they logically weren't on the current team. Sobering thought, that.

"Yes, you do seem to be... not dead," Loki said, putting his mug down slowly. "I can't help but wonder if you can be quiet, instead."

Benji became suddenly aware that they were quite close together, and that the course of the evening was clear, and inescapable. He'd signed up for this, and, while Loki seemed lenient, he probably didn't have infinite patience, and he'd want his _trade_ soon.

Despite the nervousness pooling in his stomach, Benji knew he would have to go through with things. His decision now seemed more foolish, more real and more immediate than it had in the IMF quarters, when the consequences had felt removed, and merely hypothetical. Now the situation was physical and immediate, and it occurred to him that he was a reckless idiot.

Loki plucked the mug of coffee from Benji's hand, then slowly pushed him down.

Benji couldn't remember ever feeling as nervous around sex before, not even during his first time. That had been natural, and comfortable, and friendly. This was happening in the dark, with no preparation, mental or otherwise, with an unknown god whose eyes glinted like stars, and who would probably not take refusal for an answer.

He found the uncertainty of it all arousing, in a rather worrying manner. He made a small noise in the back of his throat even before Loki could do anything to him at all.

Then there were lips on his own and they kissed softly, slowly, with the god dictating the pace. For an impossible moment, Benji was uncertain what he was supposed to do with his hands, or if he was supposed to do anything at all with them. Then Loki's tongue traced his lips and the idea of doing anything voluntarily flew out the window. He sighed, feeling arousal coarse through his entire body like electricity, igniting every cell that had already been brought to attention by nervousness.

He squirmed, trying to find a better position, and succeeded somehow in lowering himself even more on the couch, sprawled under Loki, who was half-pinning him down. Arousal pooled low in Benji's body, which worked together with the god to undo him. He'd have said they were going too fast, but he was afraid that, if they stopped, he wouldn't dare start again.

Then Loki retreated slightly, and placed a finger between Benji's parted lips, almost as if to see what he'd do.

Benji reached up and tentatively took its tip in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. He sucked on it gently, then harder, scraping it with his teeth, while keeping his eyes locked with Loki's. He could hear his heart beat in his ears and for a moment he wasn't sure whether he wanted to run away from the god or towards him, before deciding that _towards_ was exactly what he desired. He pressed forward, taking the entire finger into his mouth in a single, suggestive move, arching forward to grab Loki's arm.

The god exhaled and laughed softly, incredulously. Then he removed his finger, and returned to kiss Benji heatedly, his hips moving on their own, his erection clear through the fabric of his pants.

He broke off and kissed and nibbled at Benji's neck, teeth scraping just enough to be intoxicating.

Benji moaned and his hands pulled at Loki's shirt, lifting it, then he slid his hands underneath, wanting to touch more. He ran his hands over smooth, bare skin, higher and higher, until he came across a nipple and his gesture abruptly halted.

"Is something wrong?" Loki asked against his neck.

"No, I've just never done this before," Benji replied.

The god froze, then pulled up to look into his eyes.

"You've never done this before?" he repeated, confused.

"No."

Loki stared.

"And you've accepted this, with me?"

"Yes."

The god opened his mouth, but no words came out for a few seconds.

"For the sake of my sanity," he finally said, "what is _this_ that you have never done before?"

"Err, been with a man."

Loki let out a relieved breath, then lowered his forehead to Benji's and laughed between gulps of air.

"Aaah. For a second, I'd thought you'd never had sex before."

"No, no, I have, just never with a man," Benji protested. "No, I'm not a virgin. Come on, I'm a grown man, give me some credit. But you don't have breasts. I'm not sure what I'm doing here."

"You're doing well," Loki said. "I'll let you know if that changes."

"Good."

But it didn't clear things up at all. Benji still had no idea what he was doing, so he ran his hands over Loki's torso, stopping only when the god's tongue swirled under his chin and he lost his focus.

Then Loki pulled at his shirt, and while Benji scrambled to get it off, the god also got rid of the upper part of his suit, before falling back on top of him, his skin soft and cool against Benji's own, his fingers trailing down while they met again in a frantic, heated kiss.

Benji found his hips moving of their own accord, trying to get friction, and Loki pinned him down with a hand, sending shivers down Benji's his spine.

"So how about a blow job?" Loki murmured in his ear.

Benji's mouth went dry, as he imagined going down on Loki. He'd have to take the cock in his _mouth_ , and he didn't know how he felt about that. Aroused, yes, but also reluctant and, if the sudden pit opening up in his stomach was anything to go by, _afraid_.

"Sure," he whispered, and by some miracle his voice didn't shake with uncertainty.

"Good," Loki said, and kissed him again.

Benji trembled in anticipation, his chest constricting, his body on fire, driving him to an inner frenzy.

The god slid lower down Benji's body, nibbling at the collarbone, kissing his chest, licking a trail down his stomach. A hand opened his button and pulled down the zipper, then Loki took hold of his jeans and underwear together and slid them down Benji's legs.

Benji'd been so caught in his own anxiety, that he only now realized that he'd misunderstood the question. He hastily kicked his shoes off, then his pants. Cool fingers softly went up his cock, trailing up to the tip before going back down. He gasped and tried not to move too much, but Loki pinned him down again with the other hand. Then the fingers gripped tighter, and Loki's mouth descended.

Benji tried hard to keep himself steady, although it was hard to do, when every part of him wanted to squirm in pleasure, to move, to drive his hips up and deeper. He was on the edge, and he had no idea how he'd gotten there so quickly, but there was something about the fear that sooner or later he'd have to repay the favor that made him shiver in despair and need.

"Fuck," he breathed.

Loki increased his pace, gripping him harder, and Benji moaned, the stimulation nearly too much. He was gasping every breath, and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to drag it on, or give in, or if it was even possible for him to last.

He looked down at Loki, whose hair cascaded down, hiding his features he lowered his mouth, taking Benji's cock deep in his throat like a predator doing as he willed with his prey.

Benji's entire body shook and he lost himself fast. There was nothing he could do but give in, coming with a cry, and falling back on the couch he hadn't known he'd half-risen from.

It took him a few seconds to regain his breath and awareness of his surroundings. Loki had reached for his coffee mug and was watching him with a smirk.

"You _have_ had your cock sucked before?" he asked, taking a sip.

"Fuck you," Benji gasped. "Yes."

He didn't add that it had rarely been that intense. He took another minute to regain his composure.

"I assume you'll want to wash," Loki said. "The bathroom is over there."

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" Benji asked. "I didn't get one today."

"Be my guest."

He hesitated about whether to put his clothes back on, but decided it would be ridiculous.

In the bathroom, he needed to turn on the light, and he struggled not to spread his own mess on anything while searching for it. He finally found it, turned it on, and promptly got blinded, which he should have expected.

Once he could actually see, he could finally climb into the bathtub without crashing and breaking his neck. Looking around, he noticed the shower gel, shampoo and conditioner on the edge of the bathtub drew his attention. He wasn't sure whether he was more surprised that a god had those, or that Loki didn't use a single bottle for everything, but then he figured that, when in London, Loki did as the Londoners; and besides, he had long hair, so the conditioner probably made sense. If anything did. It was all very mundane.

But once the surprise at the bottles gone, and with nothing else to think about, Benji felt a bit of awkwardness sip in. Had he been too eager, perhaps? Had he come too quickly? Had Loki been mocking him for his reactions?

There was no way that the god knew about the particular thoughts that had gone through Benji's head, was there? He wasn't telepathic, hopefully, although who even knew in this new world of superheroes. And if he could read minds, then what did he think about Benji getting all worked up with _fear_ in the mix?

He also wondered, idly, what the rest of the night would be like. Sooner or later, they were likely to do... all the things, really. It was what Benji had signed up for, after all, and now that he was in the midst of them, he had no idea how he felt about doing them with a god he'd barely met.

The nervousness and anticipation were back, and this time there wasn't any arousal to override them, nor any random bravery.

A part of Benji wondered if he should prepare in some way, but then he realized there was nothing _to_ prepare. It would just be him, Loki, and maybe an experience he'd later try to forget.

But, in a sense, wasn't this what he'd wanted...? To be given no choice?

He grabbed the first towel he could find and walked out of the bathroom. He saw a light coming from an open door and he walked there, self-consciously wrapping his towel around his waist.

Loki had no such modesty. He was entirely naked, and half-lying, half-sitting on a bed. The drapes around the window were pulled shut, obscuring them from any nosy neighbors.

"Good shower?" the god asked, with a hint of a smile.

"Great," Benji replied.

"You said you haven't been with a man before," Loki said. "Why?"

"Now that's a question you don't hear often," Benji said, taking off the towel and trying not to be too awkward about his own nakedness as he threw it on a chair.

"You're hearing it now."

Benji made himself busy by sitting on the bed first, not entirely willing to answer, but being able to think of no way to evade it, except with a half-truth.

"I guess I am. Err, I guess I never felt quite confident enough to want to find out for sure."

"Find what out?"

"Whether I'm attracted to men."

Loki hummed.

"I don't see why you'd need to be _confident_ to find out."

"Because, you know... I didn't want to take someone home and then discover he turns me off."

"Can't you have that experience with a woman?" Loki asked.

Benji considered for a second.

"When you put it that way... But I've always felt much _less_ attracted to men than women. I even wondered if I was attracted to them at all."

"That's interesting," the god said. "Because you wouldn't have come with me so easily had you not felt _some_ attraction. Which begs the question of what you're not telling me."

Benji didn't normally blush and he hoped he wasn't doing it now, either. His mouth was dry, and the words stuck in his chest, but he figured that Loki had opened up earlier when asked about Ethan, so it would be only fair to respond in kind.

Even if it was a bit of a secret that he only told select people. Usually people he slept with. Which put Loki in that category, he supposed.

And, in a sense, it was easier, because Loki was a stranger. He'd never have to meet him again after tonight.

"When I was a teenager, I had a dream," Benji said. "Not a fantasy, the sort of dream you have while you're asleep. I dreamed I was a prisoner in a castle somewhere up north. I was in a tower, high up, and the lord of the castle was my overseer. He had me in chains, always. It was very quiet, in the castle. People didn't speak. They were all... presences, if you will, but they weren't really human, somehow. They were... blank. Uncaring. Cold. Minding their own business. Quiet. Eerie. And the lord of the castle chained me to a table, with my legs spread. He fucked me with... I don't even know. In my memory it was a smooth rock, shaped like a pestle, I guess. It was cold, and he went at it looking at me with this disinterested gaze, as if studying me. I was turned on, and it was almost too good to bear. I'm not sure if it was torture, or an experiment. It didn't matter if I cried, or screamed, if I liked it or not. I just had to lie there and take it."

Benji paused, remembering it. He could almost taste the crisp, cold air in that tower.

"And you think you might be attracted to men because you dreamed that?" Loki asked. "Odd dreams are common. They don't mean much."

"No," Benji said. "I think I might be bi because I spent years masturbating to that dream, and inventing variations of it. I'd sometimes imagine he used his fingers, or that he just fucked me. I'd imagine he tied me up against the wall, or on crosses, or that there would be a number of lords and they'd take their turn with me. I hoped, sometimes, and maybe I still do, that I'll have that damned dream again. After a while of that, you know, a guy wonders if maybe there's something to all the fantasies."

Loki laughed.

"Fair enough. So what is it that you liked most about the dream?"

That was a very personal question, but in for a penny, in for a pound.

"The helplessness, I guess. The feeling that it didn't matter whether I screamed, or enjoyed myself. That if I came, or if I suffered, it was all the same. There was no-one to judge."

Loki reached out and ran a few fingers down Benji's chest.

"Have you ever had anything in your ass?" the god asked, out of nowhere.

Benji spluttered, and felt his cheeks warm up.

"Err, yes," he said. "With a girlfriend. As you do. You know, in the natural course of things. Err, she tried a finger. But I only tried with her, you know, nothing very special, err, not like, a dildo or anything, and definitely no actual..."

He realized Loki had was laughing, and his stomach fell.

"I'm sorry," Loki said. "I realize this might seem insensitive of me, but in Asgard that's not the kind of question one gets flustered about, not in the context we're in."

"Really," Benji said, but the laughter still felt like a punch in the gut.

"How can I explain..." Loki said. "I'm sorry, don't feel bad. I forgot things are different here. I feel like I've asked you if you've ever had fries, and discovered it's a taboo question."

"Fries?" Benji repeated.

"Yes," Loki said. "Well, if fries were about sex. Obviously, you wouldn't discuss your preferences in bed with people you wouldn't want involved in any way in your intimate life."

"No, hold on," Benji said, somehow the mental image of Loki in a McDonald's seeming incongruous, although the shampoo bottle should have perhaps prepared him for this. "I'm stuck on the fries. You've had fries? Don't you eat, I don't know, whole roasted hogs or something?"

Wait, that was Asterix comics, not Norse mythology.

Loki took a long look with him, then grinned.

"Err, yes. With Clint. We went to a restaurant, and I tried them, as you do." Loki semi-whispered, conspiratorially, "but I've never tried them with cheese dip. They were just plain fries. Now I'm wondering if they were lacking somehow. I've definitely never had them with..." He paused dramatically. "Gorgonzola dip. Do they count as fries? Who knows."

Benji snorted, but the sting of Loki's previous laughter wasn't entirely gone.

"Yeah, ok."

"The reason why I asked," Loki said, serious again, "was to know whether you enjoy the experience."

"Oh. It hurt, so I didn't enjoy it much, no."

"I will do my best not to hurt you," Loki said, leaning closer for a kiss.

Benji's breath went out of his lungs and he found it hard to move, or reciprocate. Loki pulled back and looked at him quizzically.

"Did I say something wrong again?"

"Ah, no. No."

"You don't want this."

"Ah, I do, it's just... a bit worrying," Benji admitted, although it would have been fairer to say _scary_ instead of _worrying_. "You see, this... this is why I never tried it before."

"Do you want to stop?"

Benji leaned back against the headboard.

It was good that Loki had asked, on an objective level. It meant that, conquering alien god or not, he was at least not taking Benji as his due. Which was, objectively again, good. Decent. It meant that the night had fewer chances of ending in disaster.

But it also touched upon the core of the issue.

Benji had been almost relieved to think he had no choice, after he'd made the split second decision to accept Loki's offer. To know that, one way or another, he would have to go through with the experience, and finally get it out of his head.

The truth was, when given a choice, he'd always retreated, always postponed. Men's bodies didn't do much for him. His girlfriend's attempt had convinced him that any attempt would hurt. Despite a part of him occasionally desperately wanting _that fantasy_ , he'd never mustered up enough will to attempt it.

He occasionally courted the idea. He went to a gay bar or another, wanting to be picked up, but not liking anyone who came his way. He didn't feel the sheer attraction necessary to wade him through it, just a desire that said, "yes, but not this". And it was never _this_.

Sometimes, he forgot about it. He went on for months doing his own thing, and then the same old idea returned. The lord. The castle. The odd desire. And then, it became unbearable, his own indecision a point of exasperation, a constant going back and forth that was enough to drive him to despair, before it went away again, forgotten for another period of time.

What did he want? He'd tried to figure it out over and over, until he wasn't sure he could discern between what he wanted to be true, what he rationalized to be true, and what was true. Was he in it for the kink? Not as such, because he'd tried that, and it hadn't worked well. Was it a physical itch that didn't quite work out, a thing that his mind told him would be good, but which his body rejected? Was it an obsession, rather than a fantasy? What _was_ it?

He couldn't tell, and there was no way to know anymore. He'd been splitting hairs so thoroughly that they were now tangled and destroyed beyond recognition. If he could have started anew, with the feelings he'd had on the morning after that dream, perhaps it would have been possible to figure himself out, but after years of thinking about it, there was no chance of it at all.

A part of him wanted the night to stop. To let bygones be bygones. To ignore the attraction, and the pleasure, and all the contradictory desires. The blow job had been nice, if one-sided, and he could just go home and leave this damned thing alone. Move on.

Another part of him was wailing in despair that he needed to go through with it. That he might hate it, that it might hurt, and that he might deeply regret it, but at least he would suffer through it and come out the other side, with an understanding reached.

"I don't want to stop," he finally answered. "I want to get this out of my head, even if it hurts me."

"I wasn't thinking of hurting you," Loki murmured, leaning closer to lick at the sensitive spot below his earlobe, "but now I wonder if you'd like me to force you."

"F-force me?"

"Yes. Put you in chains. Fuck you, whether you want to or not, whether you like it or not."

It took Benji a second to understand why Loki was so on point with that comment, before he realized that, of course, it was a riff on his dream and subsequent fantasies. He made a noise, his voice stuck in his throat, and Loki chuckled darkly, then kissed him deeply and sensually before pulling back to murmur in his ear.

"I do so love a good game. And you're my toy."

Benji's stomach fell. He didn't particularly feel like being called a _toy_ , and it cut his mood entirely.

"Don't do that," he said.

"My prisoner?" Loki suggested.

"No," Benji. "No, forget it, I'm an idiot. Look, I'm sorry, I can't do this. You don't have to do anything for us, our mission is..."

" _Fuck_ the mission," Loki growled, pinning Benji down. "You _swore_ , and it is _done_."

The ferociousness was shocking. The god had reached the end of his patience and snapped, and out came his real self, terrible and demanding. The choice was gone, and Benji cursed the part of him that felt relieved.

When Loki leaned down to kiss him, he kissed back, making no protest. Then the god made a hand gesture, and Benji felt shackles gripping his wrists, with chains extending from them, trapping him on the bed. Loki checked the chains, then didn't even spare Benji a glance as he got off the bed, and considered it.

Another wave of his hand, and the bed became shorter and narrower, and Benji had to scramble to pull his legs up before they fell down over the edge. The surface beneath him was harder, and he could swear he was higher up, as if on a table.

The lights dimmed, and the room became cooler, leaving him breathless and immobile, and feeling entirely helpless. He tried pulling at his chains, but they left him little leeway, and he couldn't even shift very much.

Benji let his head fall back down on the table, and knew it was his fantasy, done on purpose, but it felt frighteningly real as Loki moved around the room, uncaring, shaking the table to see if it was solid, not speaking to him.

The rational part of him told him it was pretend. It said Loki had asked again and again what he was comfortable with, and had treated him with respect. If he voiced an objection, Loki would probably stop, because he was only acting on Benji's direction.

But it was very easy to wonder if that was an illusion, trickery, something Benji _wanted_ to believe, rather than a truth. And Benji closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and abandoned all reason. He wanted this, so he would forget about objecting.

It was so easy to believe that what came next was unstoppable. That whatever Loki did, he would not take no for an answer _now_. So Benji believed, and stopped struggling inside his mind. There was just him, and a god who had him under his power, and who'd do whatever he willed with him.

Loki circled him slowly, looking down at him dispassionately, and Benji stared up, his lips parting, his breath shallow. Not a muscle twitched on the god's face as he moved unhurriedly around the table, bent down towards one of the nightstands, and rummaged through it at leisure.

It was the casual wait that got to Benji. The sheer expectation. The fact that Loki would do as he wanted, at his own pace. He felt himself become aroused, and his heart drummed in his ears. His breath came in small shudders, and he would have been embarrassed to get so worked up from simply being made to wait, if he didn't feel like his own reactions didn't matter.

Loki picked up a small bottle and looked at Benji almost in boredom. He walked up to Benji's head, took his chin between two fingers and casually turned the bound man's head to the side to better look at him.

Benji became aware of how erratically he was breathing. Loki let his chin go, then moved between Benji's legs, putting the bottle down on the table. Then, with no preamble, he took Benji's cock in his hand and gave it two hard jerks.

Benji's back arched and he cried out. Loki looked down at him, and snapped his fingers. A metal band went around his chest, pinning him down to prevent him rising from the table again.

Then, Loki's finger trailed down from the tip of the cock, to its base, lower, finally reaching Benji's ass. A single finger pressed against the opening, dry and cold, breaching it with a sharp pain. Benji gasped and tried to jerk away, raising his hips. Loki seemed unimpressed. He lifted Benji's cock out of the way to allow another metal band to go around his hips, pinning them down, as well. Then he let the cock fall back down as if it held no interest.

Benji struggled silently against his restraints instinctively, wanting to get away almost as much as he wanted to be taken and overwhelmed. The finger was gone, but now there was cold liquid being dripped against his ass and he silently tried to pull away, only to feel there was nowhere to go.

Loki's finger returned, teasing against the entrance, igniting all sensation there until it was almost maddening, until Benji almost shouted, until he wanted to press down on it. Then it slowly made its way inside. It was cold, slippery, and not at all painful, because Benji had never been more ready for such an intrusion.

It teased deeper and deeper, in no hurry, with no regards for Benji's desperation, or the small sobs coming from his throat. It was both good and unpleasant, an alien intrusion that he both disliked and deeply wanted. It felt like his whole body was on fire with need, and slowly betraying him. He wanted to be broken apart to make it end, and the breaking would be ecstatic.

But he was caught in the slow, relentless rhythm of a captor who did as he pleased, and there was nothing he could do about it but suffer a sweet agony, and tremble, and take it.

The finger exited him, and he whimpered from loss, but it didn't take long until there was more cold liquid, and two fingers stretching him wider, unpleasantly, but the discomfort was part of what drove Benji wild. He wanted more of it, he wanted to feel himself stretched until it hurt and it became agony. He was floating somewhere outside the normal world, and he felt there was little that he wouldn't do for more, no matter how much it hurt him.

But the fingers were removed, and Loki casually walked up until he was standing by Benji's head, his cock hard and pointing straight at him. Benji's heart pounded in his ears. He was only dimly aware of his normal self's reluctance, because he felt as if every bit of him was pliant and abandoned, with no self-restraint or thought.

He parted his lips because he realized it was required of him, and he would do what was required, his brain scrambling for instructions and knowledge, because he needed to do it right. He _had_ to.

He remembered one had to sheathe teeth with lips, so that was what he did. He ran his tongue over what felt like a vast amount of skin, then felt Loki's hand in his hair, pressing him closer. He almost panicked when his breath was cut by the cock reaching towards his throat, and it was exhilarating. Loki pulled back just enough to let him breathe, then returned again, slowly fucking his mouth while Benji was pulling at his restraints, struggling and squirming, his eyes filling with tears, his mouth with saliva, feeling used and overwhelmed, needy and utterly undone. There was nothing but the need to go on, do what was required, and every discomfort added to his haze.

Then Loki retreated entirely, and went to the nightstand again while Benji sobbed, lost, wanting more, but willing to wait forever for it. Loki picked something else, then returned between Benji's legs as if not even affected by what had gone on.

There was a bit of fumbling Benji couldn't see, and then something hard, thin and long that felt like stone broke into his ass, fucking him slowly, going deeper. For a second, he wondered if it was Loki's cock, but it couldn't be, as it wasn't large enough, nor did it feel organic enough. It wasn't a finger, either. It didn't matter. Whatever Loki wanted was alright by Benji, however he wanted to use him was Loki's right.

Then, there was an odd, cold feeling, and he realized cool lube was being squirted inside him. For some reason it felt decadent, over the top, absurd, like a whim for a whim's sake, like Loki wanted to humiliate him and test him and use him as that _toy_ he'd mentioned, but that only fueled Benji's lust. He cried out and struggled against his bindings, reminded of the fact that there was nothing he could do but take whatever came his way.

The long, thin thing retreated, and the fingers returned, first one, then two, then three, slipping in him almost without resistance. Benji squirmed as much as his restraints allowed him, unable to get away, unable to press down, and he wasn't even sure what he wanted. He felt used, and he wanted it to last forever, he wanted the pressure, the tension, the feeling that he was being prepared, the pleasure that felt almost accidental, the neglect to his cock, the anticipation, the restraints. And it felt indeed as if it went on forever, as Loki alternated at random between many fingers and just one, according to a will that had no reason, so Benji never knew what to expect.

The fingers left him, and he felt barren and deserted, almost coming down from his high without ever having come. A few seconds of waiting, of catching his breath, before he felt something large press against his entrance, and he looked up to see Loki staring down at him, his face hard, princely and cold.

Loki broke into Benji slowly, with barely a sting and hitting against a spot that sent shivers down Benji's spine. He moved slowly, making desire pool low in Benji's abdomen. It was uncomfortable, but not painful, pleasurable and not, and he struggled to get more, and get it over with, but Loki wasn't in a mood to oblige even when Benji was shaking from every joint, and making choking noises, and saying in a slow litany of pleas that he couldn't take it anymore and that he would die.

And finally, _finally_ , the rhythm increased, and Loki took Benji's by now overly sensitive cock in his hand. Benji moaned and thrashed uselessly against his restraints, the pleasure increasing until he was washed in tides of it, just as unbearable as the need before, if more intense.

"Come," Loki said, and it was an order delivered in a normal, dispassionate voice that sent Benji absolutely over the edge. He cried out, all of it too much, and Loki increased his pace almost violently, but Benji no longer cared about what happened to him. He rode his high while fucked deep and hard, painfully, with the pain adding to the intensity, and the haze swallowing him whole as if he'd jumped off a cliff and into a dark abyss.

He was only dimly aware when Loki cried out, too. No longer impassive, he had collapsed in front, holding Benji's table with both hands, breathing hard, his composure ruined by pleasure, and his long hair fallen out of place. He looked as thoroughly debauched as Benji felt and the image was incongruous to Benji's drugged-like mind.

Loki slowly retreated out of Benji's body, which was starting to hurt from both the abuse, and the uncomfortable position, then he made an erratic movement with his hands. The chains on Benji's hands collapsed to the ground with a clatter.

"Fuck," Loki said, and ran shaking hands through his hair, getting a grip on himself. Then he waved his hand with more determination. The bands of metal around Benji's hips and chest vanished, and the shackles around his wrists disappeared. With another wave that seemed to take much more energy than before, the table became a bed again.

Loki removed a condom Benji hadn't realized the god had been wearing, wiped himself with tissues Benji had likewise not noticed before, then flopped down on the bed, face down, breathing hard.

Benji moved a bit uncertainly, feeling stiff and in some pain from having his muscles tense through the entirety of the events. Now that it was all over and the haze retreated, he felt hollowed. Reality came crashing down on him, awkward and embarrassing. Either the taste of Loki's cock was either still in his mouth, or the memory was too persistent to ignore it. He felt guilty for losing himself so quickly under Loki's touch, and he was... well, not in pain, but definitely sore all over, and dirty in spots that it felt very unpleasant to be dirty in.

He felt small, and stupid, and like he'd shown too much of himself. He was almost shaking, but this time not in desire, but something akin to disgust.

"I should go wash," Benji said.

Loki turned towards him, and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him close in an embrace.

"You're splendid," the god said.

"Splendid, huh?" Benji repeated, getting up and grabbing the towel he'd abandoned earlier.

He felt awkward in his body and on his legs, although his control of his limbs was slowly returning. He found the bathroom and realized soon enough that he needed a shower to clean himself properly, so he settled for the second one that night.

But even if he was physically returning to normal, his mind was in turmoil. He felt more awkward and embarrassed than before, to the point where he wondered if sneaking outside and never coming back was an option. If they were in London, he could go back to his own place. But, of course, running like that would be even worse than staying.

He returned to the bedroom, where Loki had also regained his composure.

"I saw a condom," he said.

"Aren't those a common courtesy on Midgard?" Loki asked.

Benji would have _loved_ to find out more about what Loki thought humans did and how they acted about sex, because _common courtesy_ was an odd take.

"...Yeah, sorta," he confirmed.

Loki made another gesture, and the sheets dried.

"As a child, I didn't like cleaning spells," he said casually. "A bit later, I started seeing the appeal."

"They do sound useful," Benji said.

"Both for sex, and for murders."

Benji stared at him, and Loki laughed.

"I'm mostly joking. Come, sit. Tell me, are you in pain?"

Benji sat down on the bed, close enough to Loki not to look like he was deliberately keeping his distance, but far enough away not to feel too close.

"No, I'm ok."

Loki smiled at him, but the tension was probably evident on Benji's face, because he didn't seem convinced. Instead, he drew closer, until they were almost in a cuddle.

"I've always enjoyed a good partner in bed," Loki said. "Someone who's into it and up for play. When we arrived, I hadn't realized this night would be the best thing in years."

"Years?" Benji said, incredulously.

"Oh, yes. I'm not one to complain, but life's been too chaotic to make good choices, generally speaking. But you..." Loki moved closer and ran a finger over Benji's lips. "You're... what's the word? Hot, I believe."

"Hot?"

"Like a fire. I could let you warm me up all night long."

Something in Benji calmed down, slightly. Loki didn't treat him as he would have treated himself. His embarrassment lessened, and he felt himself relax against Loki's cool body.

"You always feel a bit cold," Benji said. "Is that an Asgardian thing?"

He felt the god stiffen next to him, then willfully relax, as if by an effort of will. Loki smiled, and there was something dark in that smile.

"Not really," he replied, and left it at that, instead leaving a trail of light kisses over Benji's shoulder and arm.

It was a whiplash to normality, like they'd both just pretended, which Benji was grateful for, but which he didn't feel deep in his bones. He almost couldn't believe that he'd gone through with it all. Now he found that, instead of being a solution and a release, what had just happened tore him apart even more.

It had been _good_ , and therein lay the issue, in the small horror of the intensity of those very feelings he'd enjoyed. He'd thought he was used to the idea that he liked feeling helpless and at someone's mercy, but it was one thing to consider it intellectually, and another entirely to become aware of how he would have done anything Loki wanted while in that state.

It was overwhelming and disturbing. He didn't know what to do with it.

"Maybe next time you can fuck me," Loki whispered suggestively between kisses.

Benji tensed.

"I can't," he said. "I really can't, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Loki replied. "We don't have to."

Benji took a moment to breathe, and to find something to say over the wail at the back of is mind saying he was trash.

"What, you're not a top?" he asked.

Loki stared at him. Benji wondered if there was a taboo about sexual preferences he didn't know of, but then the god actually spoke.

"If I had known I'd end up here tonight, I'd have read up on sex on Midgard," Loki said. "I feel like I don't speak the language. What does _top_ mean?"

"The dude who does the penetration," Benji said. "You know, as a preference."

Loki snorted.

"That seems like a very narrow niche to specialize in. Asgard is more... flexible. And I'm very versatile by any standards."

There was something about the way he said 'versatile' that made Benji suspect there was a whole story there. There was amusement, and perhaps a bit of dark pride, as if he would have bragged, if given half the chance.

Benji decided to give him half the chance.

"How versatile?" he asked.

"There's not much you can suggest that I wouldn't do," the god said. "I like putting others in chains and being chained, I like hurting and being hurt. I like giving pleasure and taking it, I delight in swift pleasures and endless delays. I'll worship at your feet, or make you worship at mine. I'll fuck for love, and I'll fuck for riches, and the only thing I can't stand is a partner who wants little or less."

"Why?" Benji asked.

"Because I take pleasure in many things."

"No, I mean, why is a non-demanding partner the only thing that bothers you?"

"Not non-demanding," Loki said. "Impassive. Distracted. There to scratch an itch, no more. Then there's no point to fucking at all. Sex is... about the game, if you will. About the puzzle of finding the key to another's desires and turning them. Baring yourself and waiting to see what they'll do with you. It's about the world you create between yourselves, that only you inhabit and which functions by laws unknown elsewhere."

Benji took a deep breath.

"That sounds intense. I don't think I can offer that."

Loki laughed then.

"You already did. You recognize what you want and you take it. It's brave, and subtle. Now, I don't want the night to end, but tell me: what do you really want now?"

"A glass of water," Benji replied automatically.

Loki stared, then snorted.

"My apologies. Of course."

He went to the kitchen, and Benji was left alone with his thoughts. The feeling of falling, of shame and humiliation was fading, although it wasn't gone completely. _Brave and subtle_ , Loki had said. _Recognizing what he wanted and taking it_. That was true, in a sense.

There was no getting around the fact that Benji felt a certain shame at what he enjoyed having done to him, but at least Loki was putting it in a nice frame. He felt calmer - and he could unpack what had happened later.

Loki returned with a bottle of water, two glasses, and the air of bringing champagne.

"Why did you attack New York?" Benji asked.

"Ah, spies, always wanting to talk politics in bed," Loki replied. "Well, since you ask. I wanted to prove myself and rule a kingdom. Nothing my father hasn't done, in his time. I'm still not sure your world wouldn't be better off with me in charge, but I realize now that it's a moot point. Even if I'd won, it wouldn't have worked out."

"Why?"

"Because you don't abide by the same rules we do. One can declare himself king of a world that's used to having kings. One cannot do the same to this mess that you have created, with its lack of structure. I could conquer the United States and turn it into a kingdom, but I would need to overhaul the current system and there would be resistance at every step. It's too much work. It's like herding cats. A few millions of them."

"Billions," Benji said. "There are billions of humans."

"Oh, I know," Loki replied. "But only millions of you would actually be troublesome. It's a long-term project and I don't think I have the patience for it."

"I find that oddly more reassuring than promises of noble sentiments."

"Noble sentiments are for fools like my brother," Loki said, "who should never be left in charge of kingdoms. So tell me, because I've a curiosity of my own. Why are you a hero?"

Benji frowned.

"I'm not."

"By trade, you are. In that team with Hawkeye and Ethan Hunt."

"Oh. Oh! I'm an agent, yeah. Err, it seemed exciting. I like the idea of being in the field, getting things done. Putting on masks, tricking the bad guys."

"Ah," Loki said, surprised. "You do illusions and trickery?"

"They're basically masks to make us look like some targets, to get information," Benji said. "It's not just gliding down to rooftops. That's more Ethan's thing, anyway. If he can land on a roof somewhere, he'll do it. Like not too long ago, we were in Russia, and..." He stopped abruptly. "Fuck, we're not allowed to talk about our missions. That would defeat the whole purpose of secrecy."

"It's a past mission," Loki said.

"Even so."

"I can find out, you know. I have means."

"Yeah, but I'm not supposed to be the means myself. What? Would you tell me if you had stolen important objects, or done crazy things that involved international politics?"

"Of course I would," Loki replied. "I don't get bards singing of my deeds, so someone has to tell of them."

"Then tell me. Something with... I don't know. Politics. Stealing. You know, like my line of work."

"Alright," Loki said. "One time, our mother's favorite diadem was stolen. It wouldn't have been a tragedy, but it had the power to open portals to important realms, if you knew how to use it, and it was best if it didn't fall into the wrong hands. So our father sent his ravens to scout and find out where it had gone. It turned out that it had been stolen by the king of the dwarves, because dwarves love good craftsmanship, and he desperately wanted it as his own. I was sent as envoy. Unfortunately, the king of dwarves said he would return it, if he could have Sif, one of our fiercest warriors, for his bride. I went back and relayed the news. Now Sif wasn't pleased, as you can imagine."

"This sounds like something out of a fairy tale."

"Of course it does. Your fairy tales were built on our history. So, Sif wasn't pleased and she absolutely refused to even go there. I was stuck with my father, my brother, my mother, and our councilor, Heimdall, wondering what to do. So Heimdall suggested that Thor go disguised as Sif instead, because he knew her, and because he was so _adamant_ to recover mother's diadem himself."

"Thor?!"

"Yes. And I should be his handmaiden."

"No, but _Thor_?! How was he to pass for a woman?"

"With a bit of magic, of course. We both accepted, grudgingly. Then I pulled my brother aside, and told him that all the magic in the world couldn't make him _act_ the part of a bride, so we needed to switch places. Now, Thor wanted to go there screaming and kicking everything down, and possibly fighting all the dwarves, but trickery wasn't something he could abide. He agreed to my plan, and we went to the king's hall, where we sat for the wedding feast. Now, among dwarves, marriage needs to be consummated three nights in a row to be valid, or it's considered the two don't have enough passion for each other. On the first night, I fucked his brains out."

Benji burst out laughing.

"Ok, that's not like a fairy tale."

"Oh, who cares, it was fun," Loki replied. "He was quite fascinated with Sif's lack of beard, by the way. A lack of beard on her face, I mean. I have no idea if she has a bush down there or not. I'd assume yes, but she never accepted any proposals from me, and I went by assumptions when creating her illusion. So, once the king was asleep, I started looking for my mother's diadem, but it was nowhere to be found. On the second night, I fucked his brains out again, then once he was asleep, I searched for the damned thing all over and couldn't find it. Now, as you can imagine, I didn't particularly want to be a dwarvish bride, so I was starting to panic. On the third evening, as we retired to the bedroom, I complained that I didn't feel like a queen, and that I wasn't pretty enough, and that I wanted jewelry worthy of a queen, or I would feel he wasn't appreciating me as I deserved. Dwarf as he was, he brought out my mother's diadem and placed it on my head. And then I ran for it."

Benji laughed.

"Didn't he follow?"

"Of course he did. I shifted back into my usual looks, but I don't seem very different from Sif when you're looking at me from behind and I'm in a dress, so he was wailing that he wanted his bride back. Dwarves came out to look as I dashed across the corridors and halls, and some started following, because curiosity got the better of them. Off I went, the king behind me, when I reached the hall where Thor was feasting, still dressed as a handmaiden. He saw I had the diadem, ripped his dress off, and as the king came behind me intent on sex, he started yelling _. 'How dare you try to defile my brother? Was Lady Sif not enough for you?'_ And I turned to face the poor king and started screaming I'd put up with his games no longer."

"Oh, no," Benji said, laughing.

"He let us go, and didn't dare to ask for his diadem back. We went home, where we said that the ploy succeeded, with me as bride, but we didn't tell anyone I fucked the king. I think mother heard, eventually, but she very delicately stays out of my business, as I stay out of hers."

The light in Loki's eyes dimmed and he sighed.

"And then," he said, "I never heard the end of it. I was blamed for setting up the whole thing, and dishonoring Thor by having us both resort to trickery. It was considered a dirty win, and not a proper victory. My brother tried to defend my honor, but he's generally considered to be blind to my faults. To this day, even Sif despises me."

"Shit, man. That's tough."

"Yeah. Funny how spending two nights with the dwarfish king turned out to be the highlight of that episode."

Benji would have laughed, but Loki had become bitter and he stared into the distance, distracted by some memory he didn't want to share.

"You can't really have a wife and kids when you're in our line of work," Benji finally said, to change the topic. "They're too vulnerable. Your enemies target them."

"That's cowardly."

"Yeah, there isn't much honor here. And not as much casualness when it comes to sex, either."

"Oh, not even Asgard is very casual," Loki said. "Some things are more freely confessed and done than here, others are forbidden. What you see here is mostly me. I take what I can get."

The implication that nobody would want him on the long term hung between them, but there wasn't much Benji could do about it. So he took a deep breath, and finally dared to make a move on Loki himself, putting a hand on his cheek to catch his attention, then kissing him when he turned his head.

It was slow and gentle, without the spark of desire before, but still pleasant. It was undemanding, but good. He tentatively ran a hand down Loki's body, feeling like a teenager with a first crush. He spread his fingers over Loki's chest, then ran them down his abdomen, and then lower down, into curly hair.

Nervously, he took Loki's half-hard cock in his hand, and wrapped his fingers around it, feeling it oddly different from his own. He wondered if the same things would work or not, and then he realized his angle was awkward, used as he was to touching just himself.

He ran his hand up and down, gripping as hard as he would for himself in the same situation, and Loki moaned in encouragement.

"How about I give you a blow job?" he asked.

Loki studied him for a second before nodding.

"Go ahead."

Benji lowered himself between Loki's legs, and felt a jolt of disgust when he remembered where the cock had last been - before remembering the condom, which he felt incredibly grateful for. Common courtesy, indeed.

He pumped his hand up and down, trying to remember what he liked, although it was surprisingly difficult to remember, now that he had to give rather than receive. But, then again, the women he'd been with had had to learn _sometime_ how to do it, so it wasn't like knowing instinctively what to do was a prerequisite... he hoped.

He lowered his lips on Loki's cock and felt what could only be the taste of the condom. Just like most of Loki, the cock itself was oddly cool to the touch, but not unpleasantly so, and he worked his mouth over it while still pumping slowly. Loki moaned, and Benji took it as encouragement.

It didn't do much for him, but it was an interesting challenge, trying to work out how fast to move, and in what way. When his jaw started hurting from the effort of keeping his mouth widely open, and his lips over his teeth, he gained a new appreciation for the art, and came up for a breath and a rest. He then licked up Loki's cock, then down, on his balls, while he was still moving his hand, and the god groaned and shifted.

"That's lovely..." he muttered. "Would you like to fuck me?"

Benji paused what he was doing with his mouth, and his hand moved on automatically while Loki watched him, his eyes slit with pleasure. He wanted to say yes, as he felt it would only be fair, but he was too nervous about it, and he realized he wasn't going to get hard any time soon.

"...No," he finally said. "It's too much, for today."

"Very well," Loki replied. "Then please... harder."

Benji obliged, gripping tighter, and using his mouth again. When he gave blow jobs to women, his arousal tended to fuel him and make him forget any discomfort, but now he was only just starting to get into it, and the switch in his brain that made everything hot and covered all discomfort just wasn't flipped.

Even so, from a position of nearly no arousal, it was fascinating. Loki twitched, and moaned, letting himself go the way he hadn't before. He pleaded and gasped, and seemed to become even cooler to touch as he lost himself, and it seemed like he was doing his best effort not to squirm.

It was exciting to Benji in a way he hadn't expected, knowing he could do that to a god, making him lose his composure, arousing him and pleasing him. Almost despite himself, he felt a twitch of arousal, not because of having a cock in his mouth, but because he was giving pleasure, and Loki was reacting so intensely to it.

"Fuck," Loki said. "Fuck, I'm close."

And that was hot as hell, being told, knowing it was happening because of Benji's touch. He also realized, a second later, that it was meant as a warning, and he almost panicked, because he wasn't sure what to do, before making a split decision to just keep doing what he did. He kept the cock in his mouth, and looked up, seeing Loki groan as his entire body tensed. And, although he looked the same as he had all night, Benji suddenly became aware that Loki was beautiful.

Then his mouth filled with the unpleasant taste of come, which was a less transcendent experience. He didn't remove it from Loki's cock, though, even as he slowed the movements of his hand while Loki twitched and shuddered under him.

The experience of having the god undone under him was utterly enthralling, except for the part where he knew he couldn't possibly swallow because it would turn his stomach upside down. How did anyone else do it?

He sat up, slowly, and saw Loki look down at him.

"How was it?" the god asked.

Benji hesitated, then nodded and gave him what felt like an idiotic thumbs up. Loki looked confused for a moment, then laughed.

"Go spit," he said.

Benji gratefully went to the bathroom, spit, and rinsed his mouth with water. He then returned to the bedroom, where Loki was wiping himself.

"I'll need to take a shower," the god said. "You all good?"

"Yeah," Benji said. "Yeah, I am. That was more... well, exciting, than I was expecting."

Loki smiled at him, a glint in his eye.

"I'm happy I didn't disappoint."

Hearing those words, Benji realized that he couldn't have gone through a better night, not really, except in his fantasies. The shame and guilt had faded, and what was left of them, he'd untangle later.

But it was all... good.

He was also starting to like Loki, although that was probably a side-effect of getting pleasure at his hands, and that was bittersweet.

"We should probably catch some sleep," Benji said.

"Probably," Loki replied. "After all, I've got to fix Stark's ineptitude in the morning. I gave my word."

Benji snorted, and Loki went to shower. All alone in the bedroom, he realized he felt comfortable. He'd expected just the sex, and with less patience and passion on Loki's side. But even the talking had felt good. It was as if they'd known each other for a while - or perhaps the trick was that they were strangers to each other and had no social inhibitions that needed removing. It was easier to tell Loki about his fantasies and his questions regarding his sexuality than it would be to tell Ethan or Luther, for example, because they were his close friends, and there were clearer limits to what topics could be touched, and what topics would be awkward.

When Loki returned, and turned off the lights, Benji drifted off to sleep easily.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki overthinks it, Ethan overthinks it, everyone overthinks it.

Loki woke to the sight of a man who trusted him enough to have slept in the same bed, and who had been quite delightful the night before. He felt a stab of warmth, and let it wash through him, enjoying it and knowing it would fade soon.

He’d learned long before that he was the sort who easily became fond of his partners. At first, it had been disconcerting. Eventually, he’d learned to manage it. To love the experience, rather the person. To enjoy in the abstract, rather than in the particular. It was less disappointing that way.

And then, he'd learned to see the first signs of betrayal and strike first, enjoying the bittersweet delight of their shock. There was a gratification in hatred, as much as in pleasure.

He got up first, took a shower, then woke Benji, as well. Loki didn’t know exactly how taxing the man's missions were, but he was starting to feel that _very_ would be an adequate qualifier, considering Clint had looked dead on his feet, and now Benji got up with difficulty and an expression nowhere near as open and relaxed as the night before. As the gloom wasn't directed towards Loki, the god decided not to take it personally.

Perhaps Benji, too, was a man who lived in the moment and didn't look back.

They didn’t have breakfast, or coffee, because the time for leisure was clearly over, and there was a job to do.

Loki teleported them back to the team's quarters, asked for the replacement drive, checked the blueprints and plans again, teleported (invisible) to the destination, retrieved Stark’s data from the system (why not just delete it? Perhaps Stark wanted to see what had been stolen), copied the fake data onto the computer, then teleported (invisible) back to Hunt’s quarters. It took five whole minutes instead of a single one, because he'd overestimated how quickly the computer could copy the files. Go figure.

He watched, still invisible, the scene that had started and progressed quickly in his absence.

He did wonder what Benji would say about their encounter. Loki hadn't shared anything that any Asgardian wouldn't be able to tell them, but the question was how much the man would reveal, and what spin he'd put on their pillow talk. Would he go over every detail, trying to extract Loki's motivations? Would he try to figure out Asgard from the little he'd been told?

But, surprisingly, neither seemed to be the case, no matter how hard the team tried to pry.

"I’m _fine_ , Ethan, can you just let it go?" Benji snapped.

"You don’t _look_ fine," Hunt replied.

"Yeah," Jane Carter said. "I hate to agree with him, but you look like a drowned rat."

"I don't want to talk about it," he insisted.

"Come on, Benji, what happened? You can tell us," Ethan encouraged him. "Did he hurt you?"

Loki couldn't see anything particularly wrong about the man, except a sullenness and an apprehension that hadn't been there the day before. His expression was closed and dark, but it seemed merely a shift in mood rather than a disaster. Still, what did the god know?

Benji waved a hand in exasperation.

"I'm fine. Isn't it obvious? I'm _fine_."

"But what happened?"

"God, Ethan, what do you want me to say? Do you want to hear that we fucked? Yes, we fucked. Do you want me to tell you that he gave me a blow job? He gave me a bloody blow job. And then..." Benji stopped abruptly, harassed, then snapped. "And then it's none of your bloody business, is it?"

The god hadn't expected him to keep _everything_ close to his chest, and he didn't understand why Benji was doing it. Sure, there were always some who preferred not to discuss their trysts in detail, and it wasn't out of the question for Benji to be one such, but why not say anything at all? Not Loki's motivations for coming to Midgard, not the god's feelings towards Hunt, not the coffee, not the general level of his satisfaction (or lack thereof, although, if Loki was any judge, Benji had no reason to complain).

It was perhaps pity for the man's hounded look that convinced Loki to make himself visible.

"The mission's done," he said.

Benji jumped at the sound of his voice, turning guilty, almost fearful eyes towards him. Loki had no idea how to interpret that look, but he pretended not to notice. He gave Ethan the drive. Did Benji fear him? But there had been no sign of fear in Loki's home. Surely, if he had felt uneasy in Loki's presence, the unease should have been greater then, not now, when he was among friends.

Meanwhile, as was to be expected from the conversation he'd overheard, everybody in the room was watching him with silent hostility. It was nothing particularly new, but Loki wished he understood the context.

He turned towards Benji, who was still watching him apprehensively. Loki debated internally for half a second whether to unleash an attack, or keep things neutral, then decided to test the waters first. One could always save a scathing attack for the moment it was better warranted.

"Thank you for the pleasure of your company," he said, opting for polite neutrality.

Benji visibly relaxed.

"Likewise."

It was a single word, but it was good enough for Loki. It meant they parted on decent terms. Whatever it was that went through Benji's mind, it was still not directed at the god, and therefore, none of his business and not his problem.

Loki nodded and made as if to leave, feeling that there was nothing everybody there wanted more than to have him _gone,_ but Benji spoke again.

"I'm making fries on Saturday, at around one o'clock," he said. "And gorgonzola dip. If you're interested."

The god turned to look at him, frowning, and wondered why he was being asked over for _fries_ (human courting thing?), before he remembered the remark he'd made the previous night. Was this an invitation for one more night? Or was Loki hoping for too much?

"I am," he said, cherishing the spark of joy that blossomed in his heart. "I'll be there."

Benji's lips curled momentarily into a smile, which then vanished under the darker mood that had been holding him in its grip all morning. Loki nodded again, turned, and promptly made himself invisible, pretending to have teleported out.

He liked Benji. There was something open about him, and friendly. But what Loki liked most was the lack of a pedestal to look down on people from.

"What's going on, Benji?" Hunt asked.

"Are you feeling ok?" Clint added. "Did he... do any weird magic around you?"

"No weird magic," Benji said, turning red to the tips of his ears. "Will you guys just... leave it? Please. I'm fine. Everything's fine."

Just like the rest of the team, Loki waited to see if the man would reveal anything at all, but his lips were sealed. Eventually, the discussion moved on to irrelevant things and the god left, as silent and invisible as he'd arrived.

***

On Friday morning, Loki was at home when he felt a shiver at the back of his neck, and a slight unease. He had wards around the apartment, of course, but they hadn't been triggered by any hostile action.

Still, he knew that feeling all too well, the low-key unconscious magic that he'd used since childhood and which had always served him well. It told him he was being _watched_ _intently_.

He looked around the apartment, trying to figure out where he could be spied from, but found nothing. No cameras. No thumb-sized spies hanging around in a corner of the room.

Through the window, then. Careful not to stir the curtains, Loki looked outside - and there he was. Ethan Hunt. Mighty warrior. Staring at his window as if it held all the answers in the world.

Loki wondered how the man could possibly have found out where he lived, then his eyes fell upon the unlit neon sign of the night club across the street. Ah, yes. Benji had probably seen it, and tracked him down.

The god was impressed. Benji hadn't shared any revelations of a personal nature, but he had obviously given them the information needed to keep a potential enemy under surveillance. Well done. It was more clever than he'd expected, even if it was quite unpleasant for Loki.

Of course, the god's appreciations for Benji's methods didn't make the matter of Ethan Hunt any less annoying, so, after a moment's consideration, he went out the door of his apartment, down the stairs, across the street, and up to the man himself, who was eyeing him apprehensively.

"Let's keep this private," Loki suggested. "Would you like to come upstairs?"

Hunt hesitated for a moment, then nodded and followed Loki up to his apartment. He sat down in the same place where Benji had sat that night, and the god briefly considered an alternate world where it had been Hunt coming over for an evening's pleasure. Hunt, on his knees, sucking Loki's cock with _exactly that hatred_ in his eyes.

But this was not that world. Loki didn't ask if Hunt wanted refreshment, since what the man wanted was inconsequential. Instead, he moved almost on instinct. He picked up a bottle of water and two glasses, put them on the table before Hunt, then opened the cupboard and tried to find something edible that didn't need preparing. He got a bag of pretzels and one of mini croissants he'd bought on a whim, and poured them into bowls under Hunt's flabbergasted gaze.

"Eat," Loki commanded.

"What?" Hunt asked. "I'm not touching that."

The god scoffed, picked up one of the mini croissants, and ate it, to show that it wasn't poisoned, or whatever it was the man believed.

"Midgard is an odd place," he said. "You have concepts like _gay_ and _secret agents_ , and I realize Asgard must have things which are strange to you. But surely, even you must have _hospitality_?"

Hunt's face was a study in hostile incomprehension.

"We do have hospitality," he replied.

"Then eat."

"But we don't usually extend it to..." Hunt gestured between the two of them. "Adversaries."

Loki snorted. Of course. They had some form of hospitality, but they didn't have _hospitality_.

"That's exactly who one extends it to," the god said. "There's no better way to gain control of an enemy than by inviting him into your home for negotiations. You are now in my power. I could slit your throat, or keep you prisoner."

Hunt's eyes narrowed, because of course he'd taken it the wrong way. Warriors always jumped to the bloodthirsty conclusion.

"I'm merely pointing out a truth, Ethan Hunt," he said. "The reverse would also be true. There's no better way to kill your enemy than to come into his house as a friend, and murder him in his sleep. But, you see, if you invite someone into your house as a guest, if you place food on their plate, and water in their glass, and they partake, you are bound by the laws of hospitality. To bring harm to your host or guest would be... despicable."

"You mean, this is like a temporary truce," Hunt said, realization dawning.

"For as long as you're in my home."

Hunt took a couple of pretzels and ate them, proving that he wasn't a complete fool.

"Now we can talk," Loki said. "What were you doing in front of my home?"

"What have you done to Benji?"

It wasn't an answer. Loki wondered if Hunt had an answer at all. Perhaps not even he himself knew why he was there, except for the vague purpose of defending Benji's honor, although Loki didn't really understand _wh_ _at from_.

Midgard was a very strange world. While computers and technology had been straightforward and similar to those Loki had encountered on other worlds, the culture was still a headache. He hadn't managed to find its key yet - if, in a battle, Midgardians were somewhat predictable, the intricacies of their society were enough to confuse anyone from a saner world.

Truthfully, the god could have probably figured it out, except there had always been something more interesting or important to do. There had been a couple of SHIELD operations he'd lent a hand to, some help he'd provided to Stark, and so on. Besides, any dating advice and romantic stories he'd looked at had confused him thoroughly, until he'd realized they were more along the lines of poetry than reality, which had only made them more _unreliable,_ rather than elucidating.

"What do you _think_ I've done to Benji?" Loki asked back.

Hunt's eyes narrowed.

"I don't know."

"Then why come to me at all?" the god demanded. "Why are you _here_ , Ethan Hunt?"

"Because you're going to answer for hurting Benji."

Loki scoffed.

"I did nothing to him that he didn't _enjoy_ _._ " He threw the word into Hunt's face, dismissively, although he doubted that it would make the suspicion that he'd somehow _harmed_ Benji go away.

Hunt became even angrier, though he made a great effort to keep it in check. The man bared his teeth in something that had little to do with an actual smile.

"Really. And I suppose he _wanted_ it all?"

"Of course he did," Loki replied mockingly. "Weren't you there when he agreed to come with me?"

It was satisfying to see Hunt seethe, and the righteous fury in the man's eyes made Loki want to bring him down a notch or seven.

"Is that what you're going with?" Hunt said. "He wanted it and he liked it?"

Loki snorted derisively. Once again, he was once again under suspicion for no reason. The circumstantial evidence of Benji being _unwell_ was enough to place the blame on him.

"Yes, _Hunt_ ," Loki said, returning the hostile smile with sharp, dagger-like teeth of his own. "He wanted to be in _my_ bed, he took pleasure _at my hands_ and begged for _more_."

Well, that was an exaggeration, because Benji hadn't begged very much, caught up in his fantasy, but the sentiment had been there.

A vein throbbed in Hunt's neck, an anger that only seemed to grow, and while Loki didn't really understand why the man was so upset, he found it deeply amusing. He _liked_ seeing Hunt seethe, powerless.

It occurred to him that the anger might be jealousy. Perhaps Hunt wanted nothing more than to stake his claim on Benji. Perhaps he wished he had been in Loki's place, doing the very things the god had done.

"What the fuck did you do to him?" Hunt asked, almost echoing Loki's thoughts.

"Why don't you ask him?" Loki said. He would have had no problem describing the whole evening, just to yank Hunt's chain, but if Benji didn't want to share - and he hadn't seemed to want to - then that was his decision, and the god would respect it.

"He won't talk about it."

"Ah. Could it be, perhaps, because you're a moron?"

The fury was thrilling. It was wild, barely restrained under the surface, delicious. Loki couldn't decide whether he wanted to force Hunt into chains, or to play the victim of his fury, but either way, that glare had the power to arouse the dead.

"What do you mean by that?" Hunt spat.

Loki leaned closer, the mocking smile never leaving his face.

"My wager, Hunt, is that he doesn't want to talk to you because he doesn't like what you'd have to say."

"That's ridiculous."

"Is it? You don't think, you react. You came to my home - did you think it through? What now? Will you try to beat me in a fair fight?" He chuckled. "Or maybe you're just here because you wish he'd never been with me at all. What do you say, Hunt? Would you have preferred to come in his stead? To be at my mercy? To have me fuck you until you were raw from screaming?"

That seemed to strike a chord.

"Rather than have you touch him, yes."

Loki was surprised to hear it, but he liked it. He liked it _very much_.

"The offer's still open," Loki said. "With or without a mission on the line."

Hunt stood.

"You're disgusting."

The man turned and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him, and leaving Loki with a number of questions, and no-one to answer them. Was the idea of jealousy that far off the mark? Perhaps Hunt wasn't even aware of his real motivations, in that case.

Either way, Loki had fantasies to entertain himself to, now.

  
  


***

  
  


On Friday afternoon, Loki paid a visit to Clint, who was at home between piles of paperwork, sorting IDs bearing his picture and a number of different names.

"Could you tell me where Benji lives?" Loki asked.

Clint look him up and down, suspiciously, and the god bit back a sigh of frustration.

"What?" he demanded. "Has Hunt's paranoia gotten to you, too?"

"Well," Clint replied, "maybe. I mean, I kind of thought Benji's business is his business, and his decisions are his own."

"That's a very wise thought," Loki said. "How uncharacteristic of you."

"But then, he's been pretty weird lately and I'm starting to wonder if you've put him under mind control."

It was almost, but not quite, a direct accusation. Loki's frustration increased.

"Ah. Yes. Your wisdom was a momentary illusion, Clint. If I had done as you say, _I'd know where he live_ _s_."

"I guess that's true," he replied, but didn't move a muscle.

"I could just find out another way," the god pointed out. "I know how to find people."

"Hm."

"You _will_ give me that address, Clint."

"Maybe. If you tell me what happened between you and Benji."

Loki let out a long breath.

"Why don't you ask _him_ what happened?" Loki suggested.

"He won't tell anyone."

"Then why should I spill his secrets?"

"So I know I'm not making a mistake by sending you to him," Clint said. "What if he doesn't want you there?"

Loki was starting to wonder if the entirety of humanity was as dumb as bricks.

"How about," he suggested, "you remember that _he_ invited _me_ for _lunch_?"

"Maybe he changed his mind."

The desire to throttle the man turned into honey on Loki's tongue, sweetening his next words to the point where they turned into venom.

"So maybe ask _him_ if he still wants to see me," he suggested.

Clint stared at him for a few seconds, before muttering something about needing more sleep and reaching for his phone. Although, with both Hunt and Clint acting like Loki was a criminal, he was now starting to wonder if the invitation really _would_ be rescinded.

If Benji said he didn't want to see the god anymore, Loki would find the address anyway and pay him a visit in the middle of the night just to ask what was going on, because it was getting quite infuriating. Perhaps, with Loki glaring at him from the foot of the bed, he'd explain.

And then they could have sex again. Frustrated sex. With Benji writhing under him angrily, pinned down to the bed and struggling furiously for more than one kind of release.

Loki got pulled out of his reverie by Clint ending his phone call.

"Yeah, sure, you can drop by," Clint said. "But you should know that, if you harm him, there will be hell to pay. And we know who to contact in Asgard."

"Oh, do go on, I do so well with threats," Loki replied. "Tell me how Hunt will slit my throat in the night, or how you'll send me back home in a cage. it's bound to get me to behave."

But Clint gave him the address without further comment, even if he seemed to do it against his better judgment.

***

It was only when Loki went to bed that night that a perfectly obvious thought occurred to him.

His night with Benji had been very pleasing for both, but they had been the only two people there. What if there was more to the man's altered behavior than simple coincidence? What if he _deliberately_ wanted to seem coy about being mishandled?

There was nobody who could vouch for Loki _not_ abusing Benji, except Benji himself. The only one defense Loki would have would be his own word, which was worth nothing. Therefore, the god _might as well_ have abused him.

It was Clint's threat that had got him thinking - that they knew who to contact in Asgard. Thor, Fury and Captain America had been his main champions, asking for his rehabilitation rather than his imprisonment, but if Loki made a misstep, such as (allegedly) raping one of Midgard's warriors, the three would not stand by him again.

It was foolish to think everyone on Midgard was ready to forgive. Perhaps Clint, despite his seeming acceptance of Loki, held resentment (it was only natural). While Clint couldn't have orchestrated this, it wasn't out of the question that he'd mentioned the possibility of denouncing Loki often enough that Benji had remembered it and decided to put it in practice at the first given occasion.

It was the perfect trap, all the more so because Loki had set it up himself. Nobody had forced him to propose that trade. He had pushed it on them. He had argued with Hunt just before. He had taken Benji away, and then Benji had returned... what? Harmed? Broken? Traumatized?

Loki had braided the noose himself, and then helpfully inserted his head in it to prove it could hang someone. Was it any wonder if they tightened it against his neck?

He wondered how much had been real of Benji's performance. Perhaps, like all the best lies, that part was true. Perhaps it _had_ been his first time with a man. Perhaps he _had_ decided to fulfill an old fantasy, since he could.

He'd seemed earnest, but Loki could seem earnest, too, if he set his mind to it. And besides, Benji was a secret agent - that was like a spy, wasn't it? Someone ready to play a part, use masks, pretend to be other people.

Once the thought was in his mind, he couldn't let it go, analyzing every minute of their interaction, every word Benji had said, every gesture. The tenseness in the man after he'd been tied up. The way he'd closed off afterwards. The almost detached blow job at the end.

At the time, he'd taken them as the natural drop after ecstasy, but was that really what had happened?

If he had been trying to bring someone like himself down, wouldn't he have used the same ploy? Oh, he'd have _jumped_ at the opportunity. It was wonderfully done. Even as a target, he had to admire the cunning.

Unless, of course, he was wrong, and as paranoid as Hunt (not impossible).

But the worry and the self-blame kept him up most of the night.

***

Loki arrived five minutes early and was pleasantly surprised to find a sullen, but not hostile, Benji opening the door and welcoming him in. However, all the god's reassurance vanished when the first words were spoken.

"I'm sorry."

Those were never good greeting words. They were the sort of words you said when your house was hosting an ambush.

"For what?" Loki asked, walking in warily.

And then, as he was invited into the kitchen, he saw. There weren't _many_ warriors waiting in ambush. Just the one. Ethan Hunt, who wouldn't leave well enough alone.

"Oh, it's the lance up in the tower," Loki said, disparagingly.

"The what?" Benji asked, going to the pan on the stove and flipping some fries.

"The lance up in the tower," Loki repeated. "Don't you have that phrase?"

"No?"

"When you defend a tower," the god said, looking at Hunt, "you use arrows to shoot at your enemies from above. You use magic to ward your windows and to launch fire at your opponents. You use swords to defend the base and, if necessary, to fight on the winding staircase. But a lance? A lance is too heavy to throw, too long to use in combat. It gets in the way. There's no point to it there. It does more harm than good."

"I love the subtlety," Hunt retorted.

"I hadn't realized I was being subtle. But I suppose that, for fools, even a blatant insult is hard to follow."

"Will you quit it?" Benji snapped. And then, more softly, "Ethan, really, I'm fine. You don’t have to stay."

"I'm not leaving you alone with him."

"For the love of God, _why_ _not_?" Benji asked, exasperated, but with a note of fondness that Loki didn’t miss.

"Because he's not safe."

"Really? I was alone with him before."

"And you came back like this."

Loki took a deep breath. He didn't want this dragging out. Not for the sake of theater, or whatever they were doing it for.

"But you _liked_ it, didn't you?" the god asked Benji, his eyes still on Hunt. "Tell him you _enjoyed every little thing_ I did to you. Tell him I brought you to _ecstasy_."

Hunt’s eyes narrowed in anger, and Loki held his breath for one second, then two, waiting to hear if Benji would confirm or deny it.

"What the hell, Loki?" the man said in a strangled voice.

Loki turned slowly Benji looking at him as if _he_ had been betrayed. So this was it. The noose was tightening. For all of his cleverness, for all of his ploys, the god was a fool. The spark of joy, so small, at having been invited back, turned into bitterness in his chest. He almost couldn't breathe for a moment, before he remembered that Benji owed him _nothing_ , that nobody owed him _anything_ and it had been a _long_ time since he'd been prey to his emotions _._

"Should I have said you hated it?" Loki asked softly, and the betrayal turned to sarcasm and bled into his voice, his lips curling into the smile he wore as a mask even as pain pierced him.

Benji frowned and looked like he was about to say something, but couldn't quite figure out what. He waited, and waited, but nothing came (fool).

"It would have been more honest," Hunt said instead.

That seemed to decide the issue. Benji flushed, his gaze slipped away in guilt, and he didn't disabuse Hunt of his notion. The anger rose in Loki, as did the frustration, and the feeling of being caged and _dumb_.

"More honest?" he repeated, turning towards Hunt. "Then know. I was _careless_ with him. I asked for more than he had expected. The evening turned _sour_ , but he did not wish to admit it to you. He has been _indisposed_ because he has been in pain, and humiliated."

"What?" Benji said, looking up. "That's not what happened."

"Isn't it?" Loki said, then started laughing, a bit too loud (too emotional, why?). What a fool he'd been, to offer that trade. "Very well, then! Let's get it over with. _H_ _ere_ is the truth, Hunt. I raped him. I could have had him for the asking, but I enjoyed breaking him, I enjoyed the cries for help and the tears..."

Hunt shot from the chair and punched him in the face. Loki didn't even duck. His head turned with the force of the blow, but he was a god, and he did not bleed or bruise easily. The punch wouldn't show. It didn’t matter. This wasn’t about hurting him physically.

"You've caught me," he said darkly. "I am what I am. Tell the Avengers and they'll have me sent back to Asgard in chains."

"You can be sure I will," Hunt growled.

Benji darted between them, pulling Hunt away.

"What the hell?" he cried. "What the _hell_ are you two doing?!"

"Isn’t this what you wanted?" Loki asked, smiling humorlessly. "I'm saving you time and effort. I've confessed."

Benji looked horrified, though Loki didn't have an inkling why.

"Good," Hunt shot.

"Why the hell would you say something like that?" Benji asked Loki, disregarding his friend. "Why?"

"I don't enjoy having my chain yanked, nor my intelligence insulted," the god replied. "If you want me punished, say so, and let us end this game."

"I don't want you punished," Benji said.

Ethan put his hand on Benji's shoulder.

"It's ok. He'll be taken away. It's fine, Benji."

"There's nothing _to_ punish," Benji said, but didn't shrug the hand off. "How many times do I have to say it? I'm _fine_ , Ethan. _Nothing happened_."

"Then what do you want from me?" Loki snapped. "Why am I _here_?"

"Fries," Benji said. "I asked you here for _lunch_ , although I'm considering kicking you out."

"And then what?"

"And then you go home, I suppose, I don't know."

"And then what?"

"What do you mean, _and then what_? What, do you want an engagement ring or something?"

Loki was silent and still, wondering if the other shoe would drop. If, in spite of Benji's reassurance, there would be hell to follow. If this was all a trick.

He instinctively took a step back, suspicious, uncertain, not knowing if he should challenge further, or retreat and hope that the man wasn't lying. Hunt looked like he was about to say something, but then he paused, looking at Benji, who in turn was staring at Loki as if he actually expected an answer.

"I'm sorry," Loki said. "I may have misread the situation." Benji seemed to relax ever so slightly, so the god went on, needing to know. "Then why is Hunt here?"

"I didn't invite him," Benji said. "He wants to _save me_ , although I am _fine_ , Ethan."

Hunt didn't reply (thinking?).

"And why is Clint hostile?" Loki asked.

"What?" came the shocked reply. "Ethan, do you know anything about that?"

"We're all worried," Hunt said. "You really don't realize how you've been acting all week, do you?"

"Fuck," Benji replied, turning away, then noticing the stove. "Oh shit, the fries!" He flipped them, then clearly decided they were done and turned the fire off. "Yeah, I'm not making _any_ gorgonzola dip."

Loki couldn't find it in him to care about the food, but he waited, tense, while Benji took the fries out, put them on a plate, and sprinkled them with salt. He wasn't sure what the man was playing at. But there was food, and when it was pushed towards him, he remembered his talk with Hunt. Perhaps they didn't have the same concept of hospitality Asgard had, but they didn't offer meals to enemies, so perhaps he wasn't in hostile territory.

"You're not getting reported," Benji said, "if it's up to me. I don't know what's up with Brandt."

"Brandt's really just worried about you," Hunt replied. "If you'd just tell us what happened..."

Loki acted on reflex. He picked up a fry, even though it was too hot, and ate it, even though it burned his mouth. He felt somewhat better, as if he were safer, even though there was nothing to bind the others to the same customs. But Hunt saw him and seemed to relax slightly, as well.

It was odd, but somewhat reassuring, to know that the man still feared him enough to want to see an outward sign of peace.

"I don't _want_ to tell you about it," Benji snapped. "But I do want to know why Loki's being a jerk."

Loki hadn't seen that coming at all.

"Pardon?"

Hunt scoffed.

"Oh, don't play dumb."

"I fail to see how anything I've done can be construed as _being a jerk_ ," Loki replied.

"Are you even..."

"Ethan, please," Benji interrupted, then turned to Loki. "Fine, I'll bite. Let's pretend you really are clueless." He waited a second, but the god didn't have anything to add to that. "I mean the whole... _Benji,_ _tell him how you I brought you to ecstasy_ bit."

"Was I supposed to say you hated it?" Loki challenged again. "What do you want from me?"

Benji stared at him as if _Loki_ were a riddle.

"Yeah, that was insulting."

"Well, I hardly see how me insulting Hunt is such an issue, in the circumstances."

"You insulted _me_."

Loki couldn't stop the shock from showing on his face.

"What do you mean, _you_?"

"I mean you sound like... like..." Benji searched for words while Loki stared at him and finally gave up in frustration. "It sounds like you came here with your magic cock and turned me into your bitch. Why are you taking out your frustrations by lording it over _me_?"

Loki realized he was very, very lucky he hadn't succeeded in taking over Midgard. His life would have been even more difficult than it already was, thanks to all the wild ideas these people had.

He couldn't really understand what was _demeaning_ and _lord_ _ing_ about mentioning one's partner having reached ecstasy, but he did see how asking Benji to back him up had been presumptuous. Perhaps that was something to do with it? Although maybe not.

But a safe bet was to assume that, as many things, this was about power. Perhaps, here, the ability to please another was considered _power over that person,_ rather than a skill that took work.

"I…" he finally said. "I should tell my brother this, I suppose. His Lady Jane must be displeased by his boasts. He's been telling tales about their many pleasant nights together more often than even I can bear."

"Poor woman," Hunt muttered, confirming that there was indeed a subtext Loki was sorely missing.

"I am deeply sorry," Loki went on, turning to Benji. "I hadn't realized. We find it… rude to the listener to boast overly much of your skill and happiness. It can be construed as an implication that they are... lacking."

And as with many insults, this one could mean many things. That Hunt was lacking in prowess, or opportunity. That he was lacking worth, perhaps. That Hunt would be less suitable than Loki had been.

"So you were insulting me," Hunt said.

"Oh, yes," Loki replied. "I had not realized I missed my mark so widely. I apologize. I should have made it clear it was _you_ I have an abysmal opinion of."

Benji sighed. He didn't accept the apology, which made it clearer to Loki just how great his transgression must have been.

"There's also the fact that you're implying Benji _enjoyed_ whatever perversions you pushed on him," Hunt said.

Loki opened his mouth to say Benji _had_ enjoyed everything, but he realized he'd repeat the same mistake. He stopped, turning to the other man to try to figure out what the proper response was.

And then he saw it, the reason why Hunt had come down to his apartment, why Clint had threatened him, why he'd been punched now. Benji's shoulders slumped and the life seemed to go out of him. He had withdrawn nearly entirely and he looked somewhat sick.

Hunt also turned to look at him, and paled.

"Benji...?"

"Jesus. Ethan, I don't..."

"Stop telling me you don't want to talk about it," Hunt said. "Please. Please tell me. Did he hurt you?"

And wasn't it a good question, really? Because Loki, too, was starting to wonder. Instead, Benji snorted, but without much humor.

"For god's sake. You don't know when to leave well enough alone. Fine. Here's the thing. Loki's right. I did enjoy it. Every bit."

He looked and sounded defeated, as if pushed too farm, and Loki was _damned_ if he saw the issue. It had been a _very enjoyable_ night, so... What? Were they married now? Was it some horrific Midgardian custom? Was the first person who fulfilled a fantasy your new spouse?

Loki deeply, _deeply_ hoped not. His father would annul the marriage and also _murder_ Loki.

Hunt stared at his friend, the wheels clearly turning in his head, and then he turned towards the god, his expression inscrutable. Then he put a hand on Benji's shoulder, and sighed.

"You should have said."

"How _could_ I have?" the other man asked. "It's stupid. Of all the things... it's stupid. You should've let me deal with it alone."

Loki shifted uncomfortably and leaned on an elbow, holding his chin, to pretend he was enjoying the show. What was he supposed to do now? Offer comfort? But he had not the slightest inkling what the issue was, at heart. And even if he had, he and Benji were not friends by any stretch of the imagination, and despite that night, it seemed there was an abyss between them.

Hunt looked at him, clearly finding his presence an intrusion.

"This is something that, perhaps, I should not be here for," Loki said bluntly.

Benji didn't deny it, so the god stood.

"Thank you for your hospitality," he said. "I apologize again for any inconvenience I may have caused."

"It's alright," Benji said softly (good host).

Loki's mother would have been proud at her son's politeness and diplomacy, and he clung to that thought, as he made a small bow and teleported back to his apartment.

It only occurred to him late that he would have liked to listen to what the two talked about. But then again, it might also have been tacky and unpleasant to do so.

  
  


***

On Sunday morning, Loki's doorbell rang. He ignored it, drinking his tea in front of the window and reading the novel that a woman in the shop had recommended when he'd asked for a good book about relationships and their expectations.

He was trying to make sense of why it was called "Gone Girl", and why the main character didn't leave her abusive husband. Perhaps she would run away later on? Wouldn't that be a nice way for her to _go_.

The doorbell rang again. Loki knew it was a mistake, because nobody knew where he lived.

When it rang the third time, he got up and answered. It turned out that there _was_ someone who knew where he lived, of course. Hunt did. Though _why_ he was there, the god couldn't fathom.

"May I come in?"

Loki simply stared at him in response.

"Let's keep this private," Hunt said, echoing Loki's words from two days before.

The god stepped out of the way just enough for Hunt to make his way in, but didn't move further into the apartment, nor did he make any gesture to offer anything by way of refreshment. By the way Hunt looked around, it was clear he'd noticed (smart boy).

"I came here to apologize," the man said.

Loki didn't show it, but the statement surprised him. It wasn't that Hunt had no _reason_ to apologize, but he had no _motivation_. The apology made no sense. They probably wouldn't meet again. They didn't need to get along. There was no face to be saved. The god would have been fine letting the matter slide quietly and awkwardly away.

"What for?" Loki asked softly.

"Coming at you like that. I talked to Benji and he explained everything. Eventually."

Loki hesitated. This was unfamiliar territory. He understood anger and confrontation. He understood the rawness of their previous meetings, the snapping, the challenges. But what to do with an apologetic warrior?

He wanted to be angry and continue on the patterns they'd already established. He wanted to throw Hunt out, and tell him never to return. He wanted to be _done_ with Midgard.

But, instead, he felt tired. There were only knives and threats everywhere - here, on other worlds, and definitely on Asgard. There was no haven. All he had were moments of peace (rare) and pleasure (too rare, lately). And now, apparently, he also had Hunt. Who did not want him imprisoned in Asgard. Who was offering a truce.

"Would you like tea?" Loki said, finally.

Hunt smiled, seeing it for what it was. He nodded, and they passed the short entrance and into the living room. Loki retrieved a second cup and poured tea from the pot he'd already made (the gesture felt oddly friendly), and they sat by the window, on both sides of the small, round table where the god had left his book.

"I misread you," Hunt said. "I thought you wanted to humiliate us, and I suppose I was wrong."

How to even respond to that? Loki could lie, of course. Milk the apology for all it was worth, and pretend to hold the higher ground. But it sounded hollow to his ears, and Loki wasn't in a mood to pretend. He felt tired from the rush of the day before, the tremor of escaping doom still palpable in his hands.

"You weren't," the god replied. "Humiliating you was my initial intention."

Hunt turned the cup around, studying the tea as if it held many answers. Did he, too, hide his surprise on a regular basis?

"But you didn't humiliate Benji," he said eventually.

"I would have humiliated _you_ , make no mistake," Loki said, taking a sip. "Perhaps not… in a harmful way. But the game I would have played with you would have been very different than the one played with him."

"Huh," Hunt said, and chose not to say anything more.

"But it's all inconsequential now. And besides, I've had a crude reminder that relations with mortals are dangerous. Even if you do not desire to bring accusations against me, others might. There is much ill-will between your people and me."

"All you have to do is not hurt people," Hunt suggested.

"Yes, because that worked so well this time."

Hunt looked at him quietly for a second, then his eyes rose, following the taller furniture and studying its placement.

"You could have security cameras," Hunt suggested. "Nothing fancy. Perhaps the lower quality of video would be better, because it shows you aren't being a creep. Add some microphones. Store the data. Don't watch it unless you're accused. If you're accused, you'll have solid evidence of no wrong doing. Of course, you'd need to inform people they're being filmed, so you don't get in trouble for covering your back, but it's doable."

It wasn't a bad idea, although the god was fairly certain he could trick cameras, if he really set his mind to trying. It was best not to mention that, however.

"You're trying to help me," he said. "Why?"

"I solve problems," Hunt replied with a shrug. "And I've been disavowed once or twice. I know a few things about being on the wrong side of the right people."

 _Disavowed_? Loki needed to look up Hunt's file. The man was more interesting than he appeared to be at first sight.

"Thank you," the god said. "I'll consider it."

"Don't mention it."

Loki waited for Hunt to say something else, but the man simply studied him, as if trying to figure him out. Was the solution yet another apology? It wasn't out of the realm of possibility, but Loki understood the motivation behind it even less. Surely Hunt couldn't feel quite so guilty.

"How were you disavowed?" Loki said, uncomfortable with the silence.

"Misunderstandings. I was framed," Hunt replied. "Nothing very exciting."

The god thought that, on the contrary, it sounded quite exciting.

"How's Earth?" Hunt asked, changing the subject rapidly and glancing at the novel on the table. "Everything you imagined it would be?"

"Quite the opposite," Loki said. "Your culture is... unusual."

"Didn't get as much intel as you were hoping for, before the takeover attempt?"

"It was a spur of the moment decision," the god said, vaguely. "Caused by certain factors that no longer matter."

"Being a prince must lead to a very different world view," Hunt said. "We don't conquer nations on a whim here."

"It has less to do with rank and more to do with Asgard," Loki replied. "My brother is quite _thrilled_ with Midgard, but it doesn't mean he hasn't launched _whimsical_ attacks against other people in his time. It is just that he wouldn't do it to _you_."

"He's a prince too, though," Hunt pointed out (quite right).

"And he has warriors ready to follow him, believing in his right to conquer. What stops them is not the belief that others shouldn't be conquered, but the knowledge that to attack on their own would be rebellion against Asgard."

"So it's about hierarchy."

"Yes." Loki considered for a moment. ""As for being princes... I am perhaps generally less warmongering than my brother, but we have both rebelled against Asgard when we attacked on our own."

The last, he said bitterly. Thor's punishment for that rebellion had been lighter. Loki had needed others' favorable intervention to reach even his current situation.

"Tell me," Loki said, changing the subject yet again. "What _exactly_ did Benji share with you?"

Hunt looked away.

"I don't see how that's your business."

"My intimate life is not my business?" Loki replied, amused. "That's the first I've heard of that. I'm asking, Hunt, because I wish to know what misconceptions you're currently laboring under."

"He told me what really happened," Hunt said.

"Then it won't be a problem to repeat it back to me."

Hunt sighed.

"I don't want to talk about him in these terms."

"I don't see any _terms_ that might be injurious. _Tell me_."

"He said you tied him up," Hunt said, reluctantly. "He was quite disconcerted to discover he's the sort of person who enjoys that."

Loki noted both the vagueness and the phrasing. There was a _particular type of person_ who enjoyed. Fascinating.

"Is that… bad, here?"

"I don't think it is. Perhaps a bit unusual. But in all the years I've known Benji, he didn't seem to be into that."

 _Ethan_ didn't think it was. That implied others would.

"So it shocked him, you say," Loki said.

"Yes."

Loki smiled.

"How about you? Are you interested in being tied up?" (Was he the _type of person_?)

Hunt laughed, startled and incredulous.

"I'm not answering that."

"Why not?"

"Why should I? It's none of your business. And don't dare say it is."

Loki's smile didn't waver. On the one hand, it was amusing to see the man get flustered. On the other hand, it was more interesting to poke human culture and see how it reacted than to read about it.

"It's not," the god replied. "I'm simply trying to understand how things work here. Fiction helps, but not as much as you would think"

Hunt looked at the book on the table.

"What's it about?"

"A woman in a bad marriage, although there's probably more to it. It probably relies on deeply understanding your culture to fully appreciate the plot."

"You're probably better off watching shows and hearing real people talk."

"Am I? When has anyone ever been honest about their private lives? No, Hunt, people _lie_. And it takes forever to sort through their lies to see what the truth beneath is."

"Yet you seemed quite willing to discuss your and Benji's thing."

Loki laughed.

"Don't mistake candor in describing acts with the _truth_ , Hunt."

The doorbell rang again. Loki turned to look disinterestedly towards the entrance, then took another sip of tea.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Hunt asked.

"I usually don't," the god replied. "Nobody knows where I live, and my neighbors try to be _friendly_."

"So that's why it took you so long to open the door to me."

"Yes."

"I thought it was personal."

The doorbell rang again. Loki sighed.

"Not in this particular case. I'll go send whoever it is away."

It turned out to be Benji, which made the god feel uncomfortably popular.

"Oh, good," Benji said. "I wasn't sure I had the right apartment. Hi."

"Hello," Loki said, and stepped aside to let him in.

"I'm here to apologize for the... everything in the past few days," he said.

Loki nodded. A part of him wanted to lean down and kiss the man, but he wasn't sure exactly where they stood. He didn't know if, by Midgardian standards, it was appropriate to do so between people who had had sex once. He didn't even know if what had passed had been a single night's tryst, because that bit had never been resolved.

"It's fine," Loki replied. "It got sorted out. Did you know Hunt's here?"

"What?" Benji asked. "Ethan?"

He took the three or four steps needed to see inside the living room properly, and was surprised to discover Hunt.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm apologizing, too," Hunt said.

There were too many apologies going around, and Loki realized he had one of his own to make. He wasn't good at conveying a convincing _sorry_ , but he did perhaps have something to offer Benji as truce, much as Hunt had offered the idea of cameras and microphones.

"Can I speak to you in private?" Loki asked him.

"I should leave..." Hunt said.

"It will merely take a moment."

Benji agreed (thankfully), and they retreated to the bedroom, so they could close the door behind them for a bit of intimacy. It was a bit strange, being there, with little of the comfort they'd shared that night, and the full knowledge of how different they were.

"I cannot claim to understand your plight," Loki said. "I don't know how you treat such things here. But I do understand you were, or are, bothered by what happened."

"What sort of person lets himself..." Benji said, but trailed off, as if even to speak of it was too much.

"What did Hunt say?"

Benji shrugged.

"That it's fine. People have various kinks. That sort of thing. I'll be fine, really. Don't worry about it."

Loki let out a breath. He wasn't one to pry. After all, Benji's team had demonstrated that if he didn't wish to talk, then _he would not_.

"It's not in my nature to provide advice," Loki said, "and perhaps my advice will not be useful to you. But listen. I see things like this. There are those who wish to play a light game. They want cheerful hearts and playful words. Their restraints, if they have them, are silken. Their pretense, if they pretend, is painted on as a mask. They never go too far, never stray from the path. With them, if you play, you punish with a smile, and sweeten insults with humor. They are like lakes, shining under the light of the sun. They are the light, and it is to their credit. And then there are those such as we are, who want to lose themselves in the game. We dive into the depths, and the ecstasy is in the abyss. We let go of our selves and we become one with our masks."

He paused to choose his words. Benji watched him, uncertainly. There was no conviction in his gaze, but he was willing to listen.

"Such as you and I," Loki continued, "take what we want when the opportunity arises. We dive deep and return to the surface. We are the sea, under the light of the moon, and we break and remake ourselves. It is, in itself, a strength, and it is to our credit."

"I don't see how."

"I don't see how not."

Benji scoffed. Loki approached him and, slowly, brought their lips together. They kissed, slowly, almost a promise. If Hunt hadn't been there, the god knew he could have taken the man to bed again, but as it was, they had to stop. He wished he could make Benji _see_ what he meant, and _feel_ the truth of it, but it was something one had to discover on one's own. He could not help the man be pleased with his own nature (although, in a different circumstance, he could make Benji be very pleased with _Loki's_ nature).

"Will I see you again?" Benji asked.

"Do you want to?"

The warmth in his chest was back again, and Loki was sorry for it, and for himself. Such things were doomed to die. There was a distance between the god and everyone else, and any warmth that attempted to bridge it was no more than temporary.

"I don't know. I can't promise much," Benji said. "I'm... not that into men and..."

"I can't promise anything," Loki interrupted. Benji looked hurt, and the god realized he had to explain. "I'm not the sort who promises. As far as I can tell, in your world, there is a presumption of exclusivity in these things. I am not yours, nor anyone's. I will exchange no vows."

"Whoa, hey, who said anything about vows?" Benji said.

"Is the promise not to sleep with another not a vow? Expect nothing of me and you won't be disappointed."

"So... we won't see each other again."

"I didn't say that. If you wish to seek me out, I will not refuse you. I _am_ interested. But I will not bind you to me, either. Should you wish to pursue another, I will not hold you back."

Benji nodded slowly. "Yeah, I... I guess that works. It's not like I could offer you a proper relationship. I mean, the sex is nice, but... Men... eh. But, you know, just asking. Do you normally avoid relationships?"

Loki didn't mention he could be a woman, if he wished. It was beside the point.

"Yes. I do. It's simpler that way."

There was something in the man's expression that Loki couldn't read. Perhaps an understanding. Maybe a flash of pity.

They returned to the living room, where Hunt was idly reading the beginning of Loki's novel, probably expecting the encounter to last longer than it had. Perhaps, but for Benji's arrival, Hunt's stay would have lengthened into something more interesting. Nearly surely, but for Hunt's presence, Benji would have fallen into Loki's bed again. As it was, they left.

After their departure, Loki sat back down at the small table and picked up his book. He spared a thought for the times in his youth, when perhaps he would have allowed his feelings to run away with him and tried to take Benji as a lover, making whatever promises mortals made. Faithfulness, and all that.

The time was gone, now, and he knew better. In his own godly world, Loki was powerful, undying, cold, and far removed from these mortals. And if they came to warm his bed and share an occasional night of pleasure, well...

...that much he could allow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. That's done. Thank you to everyone who left kudos on this! I still find it incredible it's not just me and my alternate personalities enjoying this. 
> 
> Incidentally, while this is the last chapter, it took long to write because I kept meaning for things to happen, but then, they didn't work out that way. I've got a bunch of alternate endings I'll add in an extra chapter (which won't be part of the story, just AUs that never worked out). 
> 
> Thanks for reading and may all the fics you come across be just what you were wishing for.


	5. Rejected plots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot bunnies that never made it in, almost unedited, with author's notes. Yes, they're not very realistic and there's no polish to them, but if I had been able to make them work long-form, they'd be in the actual fic, instead of the reject plot reel.

**Rejected plot #1, Loki's apartment, Friday:**

"Is that what you're going with?" Hunt said. "He wanted it and he liked it?"

Loki snorted derisively.

"Yes, _Hunt_ ," Loki said, returning the hostile smile and turning it to daggers. "He wanted to be in _my_ bed, he took pleasure _at my hands_ and begged for more."

Hunt stood abruptly and made his way to Loki, grabbing him by the collar. The god laughed.

"Not even my father would blame me for punishing you for this," he said, darkly amused.

"You'll pay for this," Hunt said. "You won't get away with abusing him."

" _Abuse_?" Loki replied. "I'll _show you abuse._ " He grabbed Hunt's arm and twisted it, easily maneuvering the man to the couch despite his struggles. "How about it? Want to see?"

A part of Loki wanted nothing more than to abuse the man and wipe the holier-than-thou smugness from his face. He wanted, for once, to truly hold power over one such as Ethan Hunt. And, right now, he couldn't remember why he wasn't supposed to do it - not with hospitality insulted, not with the man coming into _his home_ and grabbing _him_.

"Yes. I want to see. I want to know what you did to him."

The spell broke. Loki abruptly let go of Hunt, disgusted with himself as much as he was with the warrior's accusations. He stood and walked away from the couch.

"You can't know," he replied, coldly. "Not like this."

"Why not?"

The god scoffed.

"You come here accusing me of abuse, all fire and storm. But he was not you. He had more courage than you ever will."

"Show me," Hunt insisted.

So Loki did.

[ **Note:** The plot reached a dead end when I couldn't make the encounter between them realistic. While Loki has few scruples here and he would probably enjoy the opportunity, Ethan is there on a mission (even if a very vague one), and he's not very likely to forget that one of his team members was (allegedly) abused here.

 _Theoretically_ , this Loki _could_ go into the dark mindset where rape is a possibility, but that would be a whooooole different can of worms to explore. I preferred sticking to the well-mannered hissing cobra.]

  
  


**Rejected plot #2, post-Clint, sketch:**

"How about," Loki said, "you remember that _he_ invited _me_ for _lunch_?"

"Maybe he changed his mind," Clint replied.

"So maybe ask _him_ if he still wants to see me," Loki suggested.

Clint stared at him for a few seconds, before muttering something about needing more sleep and reaching for his phone. Although, with both Hunt and Clint acting like Loki was a criminal, he was now starting to wonder if the invitation really _would_ be rescinded.

Clint talked and then turned off the phone.

"Erm, yeah, he says don't come. He'll call you instead."

Loki stood, stunned, for a moment, before nodding gracefully and leaving. He spent the next day finding Benji's address, then arrived in the middle of the man's bedroom in the middle of the night.

Benji was asleep, but Loki nudged him gently awake.

"Hngh?" Benji said, then sat up suddenly. "Loki?!"

"Tell me why you rescinded the invitation."

"Holy shit, you can't just come into my bedroom like this!"

"I just did. Tell me why you rescinded the invitation."

"What the hell?"

"Tell me why you rescinded the invitation."

The door to the bedroom burst open and Hunt came in, his gun held high, ready to shoot.

"That can't kill me," the god pointed out.

"Step away from him."

"Make me."

They both stood, not moving, everyone in the room aware that Loki could not be defeated by them through any natural means.

"Loki, please, just go, I'll call you," Benji said.

"No. I'm not done with you," the god replied.

"Let him go," Hunt said.

" _Let him go_? What are you willing to give for that, Hunt? Speaking in vain costs nothing," Loki mocked.

"Him for me," the man proposed. "Do what you will with me, but let Benji go."

The god didn't let the surprise show on his face. "As if you'd ever."

Hunt hesitated, then lowered his gun to the floor. Not breaking eye contact with Loki, he took his shirt off, tossing it aside.

""Ethan, no," Benji pleaded. "Don't do this."

The god was expecting Hunt to stop there, but he went on, removing his pants with the full intent of following through on his proposal. There was nothing but anger and disdain in the man's face.

"Let's."

"Please, Ethan, let me handle this," Benji said.

Loki stood, his face a mask, staring at the naked man. Then he sighed, and turned away.

"Put your clothes back on, Hunt," he said. "I misjudged you, perhaps."

"Let Benji go," he insisted.

"I can't let him go," Loki said. "I wasn't _holding_ him in the first place. I'm only here to ask why I'm treated with such hostility."

"You're in _my bedroom_ in the middle of the _night_ ," Benji pointed out, his outrage back.

"I wasn't sure when you'd be home," the god pointed out. "Please. Tell me. Why did you rescind the invitation?"

Benji stared at him.

"Ok," he said. "I told you not to come because Ethan's here for a few days, and we wouldn't get any privacy."

Loki felt like an utter fool.

"Oh."

[ **Note:** This is just a sketch of possible action development, so it's very rough, with simple dialogue, not a lot of what they're thinking and reactions that are over the top - I usually smooth these things out when I write them for real, or in later drafts.

I actually toyed with this idea for a while, because it's in an intimate setting and has the potential to be explosive in interesting ways, but I stumbled across a pretty big block: Loki treats guest/host relations as very important, so he'd be drastically breaking his own ingrained culture to do this. And I couldn't find any plausible reason why he wouldn't just hunt him down in a crowd or something.]

  
  


**Rejected plot #3, Saturday, Benji's:**

"Hey," Benji said, opening the door on Saturday. "Thanks for coming. The fries are nearly done, I'm making the gorgonzola sauce."

"That sounds good," Loki said, following him to the kitchen.

Loki let Benji cook in peace, following his moves idly and wondering what would happen next.

"Did you call me here for a repeat?" he asked, to get it in the open.

"Oh, no," Benji said. "I called you here because it's only polite."

"Hm."

"After all, we are married."

Loki choked on his own saliva. "Sorry? What? We are?"

"Just kidding," Benji laughed. "I wanted to see if you really are clueless about Earth customs. Err, about your question, I'm not really into men... so I don't think I can offer you much by way of relationship. I mean, it was fun and all, but not something I can sustain on a normal basis."

"I can be a woman, if you want," Loki suggested.

"What?!"

"I don't like doing on a normal basis, but, as I mentioned in the story about the dwarfish king, I can shapeshift."

"Huh. I have no idea how I feel about that," Benji said. "But sure, let's give it a shot."

[ **Note** : Very domestic, very comedy, very not like the rest of the story, and I couldn't play around with perceptions anymore.]

**Rejected plot #4, Saturday, Benji's:**

"Stop telling me you don't want to talk about it," Hunt said. "Please. Please tell me. Did he hurt you?"

And wasn't it a good question, really? Because Loki, too, was starting to wonder. Instead, Benji snorted, but without much humor.

"For god's sake. You don't know when to leave well enough alone. Fine. Here's the thing. Loki's right. I did enjoy it. Every bit. I'm a pervert, Ethan. I like being abused. I like being tied down and hurt."

"You said nothing about hurt at the time," Loki pointed out.

Hunt spared him a glance, then turned to Benji.

"Is that all?"

"What do you mean, is that all? Isn't it _enough_?"

"I've licked a few boots in my time," Hunt said. "I know what it's liked."

"You licked a few boots," Benji scoffed, while Loki wondered why _boots_ and not _feet_. It was probably a pleasure he hadn't come across before, but he made note of it. "That's nothing like... like what I like."

"Of course it is," Hunt said. "So what, you were moping about because you're into BDSM?"

Benji looked away, embarrassed. "Yes?"

"And Loki..."

"Was great."

Hunt turned to look at him as if he saw the god for the first time. "Huh."

"Would you like to lick my boots?" Loki asked.

"..." Hunt replied. "You know what? Yeah, sure." Then he turned towards Benji. "See? Nothing to it."

[ **Note** : I wanted this entire fic to be a short PWP, initially, but then it wasn't, and I couldn't make anything along the lines of a threesome work here.

There was also a longer version of this chapter where they discussed a lot and opened up about expectations, but. Here's the thing. Ethan sees Loki as an enemy. Loki sees Ethan as an enemy. So they're not likely to share anything of import while the other's around.

Benji can discuss private things with Ethan as a friend, if he _must_ , but that's an interaction between people who are very close to each other and know each other well. Benji can also talk things over with Loki, but that's the sort of interaction you have with someone who _doesn't_ know you well, so it matters much less. Either conversation is hindered by the presence of the other.

This rejected plot is why Loki sees himself out in the actual fic.]

**Rejected plot #5:**

"How about you? Are you interested in being tied up?"

Hunt laughed incredulously.

"I'm not answering that."

"Why not?"

"Why should I? It's none of your business. And don't dare say it is."

Loki smiled. It was fun, watching the man get flustered.

"I just want to be accurate when I'm picturing you."

"Picturing me?"

"Yes," Loki said. "I sometimes wonder what would have happened had you accepted instead of Benji. How you would have been tied up and flustered in his stead. The games I would have played with you would have been quite different, you know. I enjoy picturing you fighting me at every turn, your eyes smoldering as I suck you to completion."

"I hate breaking it to you, but I'm not into men," Hunt said. "Just women."

"I can be a woman."

Hunt laughed.

"You cross-dressing sounds fun, but I don't think so."

"I am a _mage_ and a _shapeshifter_ ," Loki said. "I can be a woman."

"Really."

Loki turned into his most comfortable female form - green-eyed, curly haired, slightly hook-nosed, and very amused.

"I can still suck you to completion, Hunt," Loki said. He meant it as a tease, but now he realized it was turning into a flirt. "I can make you like it as I ride you within an inch of your life."

"I'd never do that to Benji," Hunt said.

"To _Benji_?" Loki asked. "What does he have to do with this? Are you two together?"

"No, but you and him have unfinished business," Hunt replied. "I'm not getting into that."

"Oh, then we'll have to get Benji here," Loki said. "You're right. We _need_ his approval. We'll tell him we desperately want to fuck. I wonder if he'd like to stay and watch. I bet he would."

Hunt cleared his throat, flustered, and Loki realized, to his surprise, that what had started as a bit of a joke was turning into a seduction. And he _loved_ it.

[ **Note** : With Loki going on about it, it occurred to me that I wanted to write the two of them together _so badly_. I unfortunately deleted the actual draft I had when I thought I could make it work, so this is just a rushed recreation. Alas.

The dead-end was along the same lines of rejected plot #1's: there's already a whole situation between them. Loki might not have scruples, but Ethan does, and _thou shalt not sleep with the person your friend is sleeping with_ is a pretty strongly ingrained rule. Sure, the issue of rescuing Benji has been put to rest, but they can't just start from scratch and go from there.]

**Rejected plot #5.2:**

"I am a _mage_ and a _shapeshifter_ ," Loki said. "I can be a woman."

"Really?" Hunt asked with a hint of curiosity.

Loki turned into his most comfortable female form - green-eyed, curly haired, slightly hook-nosed, and very amused.

"I can still suck you to completion, Hunt," Loki said. He meant it as a tease, but now he realized it was turning into a flirt. "I can make you like it as I ride you within an inch of your life."

"I'd never do that-" Hunt started, but the doorbell rang, interrupting them.

"I'll go get rid of whoever that is," Loki said.

He opened the door to find Benji standing there.

"Hi," the man said. "I think I got the wrong apartment."

"You did not," Loki replied.

"Oh. Errrr... is Loki here?"

"I'm Loki."

"...is it a surname?"

"Don't be absurd," Loki replied. "I'm a shapeshifter."

[ **Note** : Look, I'm a sucker for humor, and "don't be absurd, I'm a shapeshifter" is such a fun line. I was considering moving from a heated interaction between Ethan and Loki (see above) to Benji arriving, and doing away with the restraints Ethan had in the matter, resulting in a threesome. It worked great within Loki's analytical-yet-horny state of mind.

However, I couldn't make them go from here to there. There was too much self-consciousness involved on the human side, and a lot of awkwardness in general. I had to, regretfully, give it up.]


End file.
